Never Let Me Go
by AClearNight
Summary: Post Paris AU. Alex has spent years hiding in witness protection. What will happen when Piper ends up back in her world?
1. Chapter 1

"Please don't leave, not now." Alex begged. Alex Vause did not beg.

She knew this moment was coming but she never imagined Piper could break her heart in this way when it was just shattered by the news that her mother had died. They had fought all night, struggling to let go, struggling to say all of the things they'd been afraid to reveal leaving only the silence between them. Alex selfishly didn't want Piper to go but knew, she knew deep in her bones that the blonde was better off. The last few months their relationship had been strained and heading towards the inevitable ending they both seemed to be afraid to accept. Alex needed Piper to walk away because she would never be able to leave her. It killed her to do it but she had to ask Piper. The one thing Piper had ever forbidden Alex asking of her again. The one thing she knew would make Piper leave and never look back. She had to push Piper away because she wasn't capable of leaving and she didn't know how to fix them. There was nothing left. They had reached their inevitable end.

The phone call that came changed everything. The only other good thing in Alex's life was gone. The only thing that had ever been her constant. Alex spent her life avoiding attachments. She didn't know how to cope with loss. When the words registered that her mom was gone she didn't know how to do anything. She couldn't even breathe. She was frozen in place until Piper's voice shook her back to life. The hand on her cheek and loving blue eyes staring back at her gave her the strength she needed to move. As quickly as relief washed over her it was gone. _I can't be your girlfriend anymore._ She was leaving. Still. How could she?

The blonde looked her in the eyes with a cold expression. Her bright shining blue eyes no longer held the light they once did. She turned on her heel with suitcase in hand and walked away without looking back. She left Alex when she needed her most. The sound of the door slamming reverberated through the room and Alex crumbled to the floor. Completely devastated. Her only two reasons for living were gone.

* * *

**1 year later**

_Now boarding flight 742 to Brussels _echoed through the airport PA system_. _Alex hated Brussels. A delivery to Brussels had been the beginning of the end for her relationship with Piper and after all this time Alex still wasn't remotely close to being over it. She'd done everything possible to get out of ever going to Brussels again even at great financial cost to herself. Paying other people in the ring extra to handle her business in the area. This time there was no way out of it so Alex did the only thing she could when she couldn't deal with the current state of her life. She got high. Alex had been using heroin since her mother's funeral. She had a flash of memory of Fahri promising it would take the pain away. She ignored what he used to say, that heroin was a collar and you controlled everyone who wore it. She welcomed the numbness. She welcomed the blanket covering everything around her spiraling out of control.

Alex wasn't a completely useless junkie, she knew business came first. She always put the business first, it was all she had left but today she couldn't face reality of heading to Brussels so she got high. She got higher than she normally allows herself in a day. The last resemblance of control she had was fading by the second. In reality, Alex had not been in control since before the blonde left but with each passing day the facade of control was slipping further and further away.

"Come on Vause get your shit together" Alex said through gritted teeth as she splashed water over her face. She had trouble focusing on her distorted reflection in the mirror and pulled her glasses back down onto her nose.

"You look like hell"

Alex turned her head to see a short woman with wild hair grinning.

"Look in the mirror Mufasa" Alex fired back.

"Haha good one. Name's Nicky. Nice to meet ya" The wild haired woman reached out her hand to shake.

Alex looked at the extended hand and glared before grabbing a towel to wipe her face.

"Don't worry I'm not insulted. Germs are a natural thing to worry about in a public restroom that smells like urine." Nicky took a step closer. "Though I didn't expect an addict to be a germaphobe."

Alex furrowed her brows "What the fuck did you say?"

"Chill out, Jesus. You're fucking high as a kite. I would know." Nicky pulled the V-neck of her shirt to the side revealing a large scar.

"Endocarditis. Pretty common in our top customers" Alex said letting her guard down a little. "You looking to buy?"

"Nah, I mean I miss the shit every fuckin day but I'm not ready to die yet." Nicky searched Alex's face trying to think of how to express her reason for following the raven haired woman into the bathroom.

"So what you're just looking to get in the business?" Alex raised her eyebrow.

"No..." Nicky shook her head "no I'm already in a business" Nicky took another step forward leaving Alex little room to move.

Alex laughed not fazed by the smaller woman's attempt to be intimidating. "What business is that? Getting junkies in airports clean? Going to force me into rehab and introduce me to jesus?" Alex said the last bit with a southern accent and a hint of laughter. Still floating on the effects of the drug in her veins.

"Nope" Nicky shook her head again not backing down from the taller woman "I make people disappear"

Alex threw her head back as she laughed "Come on, you're a hitman?" Alex couldn't stop laughing as she looked over the shorter woman. "Who am I supposed to think hired you? Kubra? Please, I might be high but I'm still his best importer."

Nicky smiled "Thanks for the verbal confirmation Alex"

Alex immediately turned a shade paler and lips parted as she realized her mistake and suddenly grew fearful of how this woman knew her name. The drugs were still pumping through her system and the haze was clouding her thoughts but Alex knew she was fucked.

"Relax I'm not a hitman, but if you don't work with me your boss will probably introduce you to one." Nicky looked over the taller woman to make sure she was understanding her "I don't normally meet people like you in this situation but they thought we'd have something to bond over" Nicky gestured to her scar, "I'm with WITSEC better known as the witness protection program. Kubra's entire organization is going down Vause. You can go down with him but it's much more likely that he'd have you killed or you can help us put him away. In return for your cooperation we'll put you in the program and you get to start a new life." Alex backed against the wall and placed her hand on the sink for more support. "I'm going to give you 5 minutes to think about your options. There's no way out of here. I'll be right outside that door with about 20 US Marshals when you're ready."

* * *

**7 years later**

"I'll have what she's having" Nicky pointed to Alex's beer.

"And she'll buy me another" Alex said to the bartender while winking at Nicky. Nicky nodded her head in surrender before sitting down next to Alex.

"Monthly checkup pimp. How's it going?" Nicky asked as she pulled out a file folder from her bag.

Alex laughed "Still? Come on Nichols we hang out almost every day. That should be enough for your monthly reports."

"You've been saying that for years, the monthly meetings are paid for by the service so fill this out. When my drinks are on their dime, I'm cashing in every time." Grinning at her rhyme Nicky slid the file folder over to Alex who quickly filled out the forms. After seven years she could fill out the standard forms with her eyes closed.

"The house next door sold?" Alex knew the Marshal Service had to investigate potential neighbors.

Nicky nodded slowly "The Blooms. Newlyweds. From Park Slope."

"Great" Alex rolled her eyes.

Nicky laughed "Actually I think you might like them. Mr. Bloom is a writer. A shitty one but he got a column at the paper. Mrs. Bloom was a literature major and co owns an artisanal soap business." Their background checks had cleared but Nicky had found some interesting information in Mrs. Bloom's past that she was still investigating on her own.

Alex remained unimpressed. "Sounds like my kind of crowd."

"Well at the very least they will probably be new regulars for Green Light. And Mrs. Bloom is kind of hot if you are into the housewife type." Nicky grinned causing Alex to shake her head with annoyance.

"Speaking of hot. How's your girl doing?" Nicky grinned.

Alex rolled her eyes and sighed. "She's leaving tomorrow to visit family for the week, thank god. Every time I try to break it off it's like… fuck I don't know. I wake up hung-over and naked."

"You're getting soft" Nicky teased.

"Fuck you, how's Lorna?" Alex flashed a knowing smirk.

Nicky just smiled and shook her head before taking a drink. "Come on, best 2 of 3"

Alex looked at the pool table behind them and back to her friend "Nicky, in seven years you've never even come close to beating me"

"I keep telling you, I'm just keeping you on your toes. I could beat you but I'm building your confidence. It's very psychological. I'm just working you pimp" Nicky grinned.

"And seven years and you still have the same bullshit story" Alex laughed.

Alex had completely crushed Nicky as usual. Nicky made her typical excuses and laughed before saying she had to go.

Alex stayed to finish her beer. Sipping it slower than normal. Stretching out the time she had before heading home where her girlfriend would be waiting. Although the woman didn't live with Alex she slept over more often than Alex liked and knowing that she was leaving tomorrow for a week Alex knew the woman would be there waiting for her. She was a nice girl, fantastic in bed, but she was the same as everyone else before her. She wasn't Piper. The longer she was around the harder it became for Alex to pretend nothing was missing.

A song on the jukebox took hold of her thoughts. Alex was taken away. Images of Piper and her voice whispering sweet nothings and icy daggers through her heart.

_I see our stars tonight  
Do you recall that light  
Or do you ever think of me  
And in your world somewhere  
Do memories rip and tear  
The ones that always keep you hangin on  
To all that might have been_

_And I love you now  
And I hate you now  
And I miss you most of all  
All those times we laughed  
The scars that you left  
Still I miss you most of all_

Alex stayed for another drink ignoring the missed phone calls and texts from her girlfriend wondering why she wasn't home yet. When she finally arrived home she was greeted by an angry girlfriend. Alex wasn't in the mood to fight. She wanted to forget about Piper. The only drug Alex still used was sex. Alex spent the rest of the night trying to fuck away the images of Piper. The girlfriend of course thought that Alex's delicate touches and the way she seemed to memorize every part of her body was Alex's way of showing how much she loved her. Alex was doing what she did with every woman to no avail. She tried to rewrite her memories. She tried to make her body forget what it craved. She was never successful and more often than not the woman beneath her turned into Piper if only for a moment.

* * *

The morning sun shone bright as the blue Prius pulled into the drive of a large white house. "Home sweet home Pipes" Larry placed a chaste kiss on Piper's lips and they both excitedly got out of the car.

Larry ran to meet Piper at the porch steps and handed her a set of keys. "You do the honors babe"

Piper smiled hugely and turned the key. She took Larry's hand and led him into the foyer.

"I love it Lar" Piper wrapped her arms around Larry's neck and kissed him. The sound of the moving truck arriving caused Larry to pull away. "You direct and I'll make sure they don't break anything getting it off the truck" Larry smiled and Piper nodded her head returning the smile.

The movers had been working hard for almost 45 minutes and only a few large pieces still remained in the truck. Piper insisted the workers take a break and she unpacked a box of kitchen items to give everyone a glass of ice water. Larry stepped out to retrieve his cell phone from the car.

"Oh hi neighbor" Larry spotted a woman next door on her porch drinking a cup of coffee. The woman smiled and waved politely. Larry took the opportunity to introduce himself and walked to the side of the porch. "Hope we're not being too loud?" Larry smiled.

"Not at all…" The woman held out her hand over the railing waiting for the man to introduce himself.

"Larry, Larry Bloom. My wife is with the movers." Larry shook the woman's hand.

"Nice to meet you Larry. I'm Donna." The two were interrupted by muffled yelling from inside the house. A tall brunette opened the front door. She had clearly not had her coffee yet "We're going to be late!" Before a response could be formed the brunette slammed the door shut. Donna looked at Larry with an apologetic expression "Sorry about that, we have to get to the airport."

"No problem. Nice to meet you Donna. We'll have to have you both over for dinner sometime to get to know each other." Larry smiled. Donna nodded in silent agreement as she entered the front door.

* * *

Larry found Piper in the bedroom arranging the closet. "Movers just left" He slid his hands around Piper's waist and kissed the back of her neck. Piper stiffened briefly before forcing herself to smile and leaned into his embrace. She still couldn't stop her body's natural reaction to stiffen when someone other than Alex kissed her there. "We're going to be really happy here Pipes. I can feel it" Piper pulled Larry's arms around her tighter. She wanted to believe it. The move had not been an easy choice for Piper but with each emptied box she felt closer to something she never thought possible. She felt free of the ghost that haunted her since she stepped into a Paris elevator 8 years ago.

"I met our new neighbors" Larry grinned as he turned Piper to face him and kissed her lips. A soft moan escaped Piper's lips as the kiss broke but Larry's hands were sliding under the hem of her shirt. "What are they like?" Piper's voice thick with arousal as her hands roamed over Larry's chest. Larry's eyes glazed as his hands continued to run up Piper's sides. "There's Donna, a tall, smoking hot, red head." Larry kissed Piper's neck as his hands reached her breasts. Piper rolled her head back "And Mr. Neighbor?" Larry smiled wider and brushed his lips against Piper's ear "No Mr. Neighbor, just a tall, hot, feisty, brunette. I didn't get her name." Piper briefly came out of her aroused state at learning her new neighbors were lesbians. She knew this was why Larry was suddenly so in the mood. The look in his eyes made it obvious as he spoke. "I told them we should do dinner this week." A smirk spread across Piper's lips. "I'm sure you'd love that" The two kissed, giving way to their desire. Unpacking could wait.

It had been a long afternoon but Piper couldn't wait to go for a run and explore her new neighborhood. "Lar I'm going for a quick run"

"Okay Pipes. Be careful" Larry called from the office as he struggled to setup his computer.

Piper had run a few blocks and decided to turn down the next road so she could make a big loop back to her house. When she was only a block away from her home Piper spotted a woman that Larry had described as their new neighbor at the back of her SUV. She opened the hatch door and a large dog got out of the back. Piper hoped she could catch the woman to say hello before she went into the house. The tall woman was opening her front door, a black sable German Shepherd at her side. Piper was about to say hello but she was suddenly unable to make a sound. Her mind playing tricks on her as it sometimes does. The woman went inside before Piper could react.

* * *

"How was your run Pipes?" Larry greeted Piper with a bottle of water.

"Great, the neighborhood is really beautiful. I'm going to take a quick shower" Piper pecked Larry on the cheek and made her way upstairs.

Piper scolded herself as she stood under the hot water. _It wasn't Alex. Not every tall woman is Alex. Alex would never live in Aurora. She is not Alex. Get over it Chapman. Bloom. You're married. Get over it Bloom. This is the whole reason you moved out here._ It's the same lecture she's given herself more times than she can count. She had left Alex Vause in Paris over 8 years ago but part of herself never left Alex. Alex was always with her no matter what Piper did to try and rid herself of the raven haired woman.

Piper met Larry 6 years ago. He was sweet and kind. She loved him but deep down she knew no one compared to what she felt for Alex. Leaving Alex was the hardest thing Piper had ever done. Alex's job had changed her. In the beginning everything was exciting. Alex made Piper feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Over time Alex grew more interested in advancing within the cartel and Piper was more interested in starting a normal life with Alex. Piper thought eventually Alex would want to slow down but each big deal just seemed to fuel her desire for more. They spent less and less time together until they had nothing left between them but sex. Piper had grown desperate to be with Alex more, to have more of Alex so she had insisted on learning more about the business. Eventually Piper carried a bag of drug money to Brussels. Instead of it bringing them closer it only drove a wedge deeper between the two. Piper had considered leaving Alex for weeks but every time she found the courage to leave she'd hesitate and the moment would pass. Eventually Alex asked her to help with the business again and Piper knew she had to leave. Of course nothing was easy about leaving.

She had left their suite after a night of fighting to clear her head and make arrangements for her flight home. When she returned, Piper found Alex visibly distraught. She had assumed this was because they were breaking up and Polly had warned Piper that Alex would try to manipulate her to make her stay. Her passport was missing and Piper knew Alex was behind it. She knew it was the type of shit Alex would pull hoping to buy more time so she could convince her to stay. When Piper learned that Alex's mother had passed she felt everything slipping away. Piper loved Alex's mother Diane. She loved the relationship the two had. Selfishly Piper had felt anger at the news causing her temper to flare. She was angry about everything. Angry that Alex had not picked her over the cartel. Angry that Alex wouldn't fight for them. Angry that she allowed herself to care so much for this woman that didn't give a second thought about what she'd done to Piper. Alex didn't ask Piper to stay and she was angry that Alex was only asking she stay now because her mother died. Alex had begged her not to leave and anger fueled her as she took a last look into those green eyes before turning for the door never looking back.

Reality hit her days later on Polly's couch. Piper's guilt ate away at her but she convinced herself that Alex must hate her by now and when she finally found the courage to call, the number had been disconnected. She blocked everything out and spent the next two years drinking and sleeping with strangers trying to forget Alex. When Piper met Larry she saw him as someone to help her get her life back on track. A nice stable man she could be with. The kind of man her mother approved of. Piper grew to love him and a year ago when he proposed Piper had accepted genuinely. 3 months ago they married and Larry was offered a column for a large paper outside of Chicago. Polly and Piper had been considering expanding their PoPi line and Chicago was a great opportunity so the move was perfect.

Piper had confessed to Polly that still after all these years she had hoped to bump into Alex somewhere in the city, looking for her around every corner. She'd continued to search for Alex and contacts she'd met on social media to no avail. As her wedding day approached part of her hoped Alex would burst through the church doors at the last moment declaring her love like some ridiculous romance novel. It didn't happen. Her wedding came and went. Picture perfect. No one except Piper noticed the practiced smile.

Piper felt she was finally ready to let Alex's ghost go, the move was the perfect opportunity to close that chapter. She'd never see Alex again and she was beginning to accept that. As usual, Piper's heart was having trouble adjusting because lately all Piper could think about was Alex and every tall woman was Alex at a glance. That's what was happening with the neighbor. Something about her reminded her of Alex. Piper decided she needed to introduce herself so she could get these thoughts out of her mind. She would try tomorrow and invite the pair over for dinner.

Piper and Larry had nearly finished unpacking when they decided they were too exhausted and hungry to continue. "Let's grab a bite at that diner down the road" Larry suggested as he placed one final box in the guest room to be unpacked later. Piper nodded "A cheeseburger sounds _so_ good right now."

* * *

The next morning Piper woke up as the sun was beginning to shine through the windows lighting up the bedroom. She was laying on Larry's chest and his arm was wrapped around her. Piper smiled feeling content before she carefully got out of bed trying not to disturb Larry and got ready for her morning run.

She stepped off her front porch with a smile on her face. This is what she'd always wanted. A good husband, a nice house in a nice neighborhood where she could raise a family. Piper ignored the nagging voice in the back of her mind. The one that still longed for Alex. The one that longed for something more than her WASPy upbringing. She was meant to put on a face and smile. Everything was as it should be. This is what she'd been taught. Larry was a great guy and the only person Piper had been able to love since Alex Vause had left a crater in her heart. This was her life now. She was determined to live it. Ghosts be damned.

Piper was midway through her run when she spotted the tall red headed woman ahead of her jogging with her dog. Piper decided to turn up the block and hoped they would cross paths. At the next street crossing Piper turned hoping to spot the woman. Piper groaned as she saw the woman at the end of the block having gone the opposite direction. She decided to catch up with the woman and introduce herself.

As she got closer she couldn't help but notice the woman's form. Her red hair pulled into a tight pony tail. Her capri pants clung to her long legs and revealed sensual curves. Her green tank top revealed a strong back and shoulders. Then Piper saw it. The tattoo peaking from behind the tank top on her left shoulder. A salt shaker. Piper gasped aloud. Panic suddenly overtook her and she lost her balance tripping over her feet and crashing into garbage cans.

The red haired woman's dog turned around aggressively looking for the cause of the alarming sound. "Grimm enough!" The woman commanded seeing that there was no threat. "Are you alright? You have to watch out for those garbage cans. Silent killers of the suburbs." The red haired woman joked attempting to ease the embarrassment of the woman hiding behind the garbage cans. All the red haired woman could see were long toned legs and a very tight ass she couldn't help but admire.

The unmistakable husky voice of Alex Vause sent chills through Piper's body. _No no no this is not happening. This CAN'T be happening._ "Are you alright?" The voice again sent chills down Piper's spine. Piper pushed herself up slowly on all fours as if gathering her strength hoping she'd just imagined all of this and the woman in front of her would be a complete stranger. The red head watched as the blonde rose up on her knees before standing still facing away from her. She allowed her eyes to rake over the blonde's form before spotting a flash of color at the back of her neck.

When Piper turned around her blue eyes immediately locked to Alex's green. It felt like they stared for an eternity. Within a heartbeat they were both sucked back into that vortex where nothing else existed. "Alex" The name escaped her lips as a whisper.

The red haired woman's lips parted in shock. She began shaking her head slowly in disbelief before she finally managed a weak response "My name is Donna." The woman turned around and ran back towards her home with her dog at her side. Piper stood still watching her until she was out of sight. She had wanted to call out, to chase her, but she was frozen. She'd imagined seeing Alex again so many times over the years, playing all possible scenarios in her mind. This was well beyond of the realm of possibilities she'd foreseen.

* * *

"How was your run?" Larry said as he entered the bathroom to join Piper in the shower. "Piper what happened!?"

"Oh you know me, saw something pretty and tripped into some garbage cans" Piper laughed immediately hating the words she chose because they were completely true. She hated that Alex still had this hold on her.

"You have to be more careful Piper" Larry kissed the scrapes on Piper's elbow then knelt down to kiss Piper's scraped knee. His kisses trailed to her thighs. Piper's mind immediately went to Alex. They were in Bali. Piper had broken a heel and fallen, scraping her knees. Alex had nursed Piper's wounds the same way Larry was currently trying to, though Alex was much better. Piper grabbed Larry's head "Please don't Lar. The water is burning and I'm sore. I just want to get dressed and relax for a bit." Larry looked up at Piper and smiled. "Why don't I go get groceries and run a few errands, you relax. I'll be back this evening and we'll cook a nice dinner and make a night of it before I start work tomorrow."

"Sounds good" Piper smiled and kissed Larry before exiting the shower.

Larry had barely been gone 10 minutes before Piper found herself pacing back and forth checking the window to see that Alex's SUV was still parked in the driveway next door. _Fuck. Shit. Fucking. Fuck._ Piper squeezed her head with her palms. After several deep breaths Piper decided to go over there. _I'll just knock on the door. I'll tell her I'm happily married. Why is her hair red? Why did she say her name was Donna? Why is she living here? How does she have a dog?_ Piper's thoughts were scattered as she stormed up the steps to her neighbor's house. After 8 years Alex was back in her life just when she'd started to let go. Right next door but painfully out of reach. Before the blonde realized what she was doing her fists were pounding on the door.

* * *

Alex sat on the couch staring at her cell phone in shock. _Why the fuck did you run you dumbass?_ It was a reflex Alex had developed over the years. If someone recognized her she pretended not to know them and ran. She didn't expect to do that if she ever saw Piper again. Alex wanted to call Nicky and tell her that her cover was blown and she needed to move again. She wanted Nicky to find out what Piper was doing in the neighborhood. This would mean Alex would have to tell Nicky who Piper was. _Fuck me._ Grimm let out a low growl and headed towards the front door. There were a few loud knocks seconds later.

Alex saw the blonde's face through the glass framing the door. The design slightly distorting her image. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply trying to slow her jackhammering heart. After a couple shakes of her hands to release the nerves building up she fixed her expression to a practiced blank. "Grimm wait" Alex commanded the dog and then opened the door. Before Piper could say anything Alex was stepping out of the door and onto the porch. Piper's lips parted and senses flooded as she was now face to face with Alex Vause for the first time in 8 years and dammit if she didn't look even more beautiful despite the drastic changes to her appearance.

"What are you doing here Piper?" Alex's face was unreadable but the coldness of her tone was unmistakable.

"So you do know my name? Donna was it?" Piper's planned speech was completely forgotten. Anger in full control of her mouth. "What the fuck Alex? What are you doing here? _Why_ is your hair red?" Piper threw her hands wildly gesturing towards the red locks at the taller woman's shoulders as if it were the most ridiculous thing she'd ever seen.

Alex stepped closer gritting her teeth to refrain from raising her voice. This was not a conversation for the whole neighborhood. "Keep your voice down Piper." Alex scanned the nearby houses to make sure no one was watching. "My dog might kill you if you come in. We can't talk here. Where do you live?"

Piper swallowed "Next door."

Alex's eyes widened as she raised her eyebrows in surprise, "What?"

"You um… you met my husband Larry yesterday."

Alex nervously bit the side of her cheek thinking hard "There's a café not far from here we could g-"

"Fuck no Alex, tell me what the fuck is going on!" Piper raised her voice again causing Alex to grab her by the wrist and quickly pull her inside.

Piper's sudden presence in the home barely caused Grimm to look up from his antler chew. "Might kill me huh?" Piper smiled. Alex slammed the door shut causing the blonde to jump as the sound reverberated through the room.

"Jesus Piper shut the fuck up!" Alex was furious and allowed her voice to fill the room. The last thing she wanted was Piper here in her living room. Leaving her mark on everything again.

Piper was taken aback by Alex's anger and spoke softly. "Alex I'm… What is going on?" Alex sat on the couch and rested her head in her hands letting out a huge sigh.

"Are you okay?" Piper asked not sure how to handle Alex in her current state. This was not the Alex Vause she remembered.

"No" Alex shook her head in her hands not looking up.

Piper instinctively sat next to the taller woman and rubbed her shoulder attempting to provide some comfort "Talk to me."

Alex looked at Piper's hand on her shoulder and locked eyes with the blonde causing her to withdraw her hand. "I guess it doesn't matter. I have to move now anyway." Alex was unable to look at Piper as she spoke.

"What do you mean? You don't have to move. Sure, it's awkward now but we can get past it. We could be friends." Piper gave a half smile.

"We were never friends Piper" Alex's voice once again grew agitated.

"Oh really?" Piper laughed and looked to the dog quietly chewing a few feet away. Internally she knew the truth. She had never wanted anything resembling friendship with Alex Vause. She remembered Alex's words in Paris _"…Apparently not even my friend." _Piper still hated herself for Paris.

Alex fired back "Not for a second. I loved you…" She paused briefly. Angry that she had already opened up so much. She quickly lied and tried to clarify what she meant. "I loved having sex with you." The blonde's eyes locked with Alex's causing her anger to rise again. "I don't want to be friends with you Piper. God you are so fucking narcissistic. You just show up after all of this time and expect me to be okay with you living next door? You have no idea what I've been through in the last eight years."

Piper stared at Alex waiting to be filled in "So tell me."

Alex's expression hardened. "Really? Fuck you Piper. You don't get to just barge in and wreck everything again. You don't get to know about my life. _You_ ran away."

Piper felt her temper rising. She wanted to scream but her words were lost. Alex was right, she had only thought of herself. Finally seeing Alex after all of this time, all she could think about was what she wanted. Piper hadn't even for a moment since seeing the woman earlier in the day considered Alex might not want to speak to her. Suddenly Piper was remembering their last moments. Alex's tears and her shaking voice as she begged her not to leave. Piper quickly stood and moved to run out the door but she was stopped by words barely audible from Alex's lips "Run again, like you always do." Piper had waited 8 years for a chance to see Alex again. She had been prepared for the anger. Prepared to accept her part of the blame. She wasn't going to run away again. Piper turned and met Alex's gaze "I'm not going anywhere Alex. You want to yell at me? Do it! I'm so fucking sick of this, tell me what the fuck is going on!"

Stunned, Alex finally spoke. Her voice defeated. She didn't have the energy to fight. She was tired of the regret. Tired of the hurt. Tired of it all. "Fine… after you fucking abandoned me when my mom died I couldn't deal with anything. You broke my fucking heart… In one day I lost the only two people that mattered to me." Alex's voice started to break "I started using."

"Alex…" Piper never thought Alex would turn to drugs. She had assumed Alex did the same thing she did. Have endless one night stands and drink a lot.

"About a year later I was strung out at the airport. I had to carry bags myself because I had been fucking up so bad. I ran into some US Marshals."

"Oh my god! You went to prison?"

"No. They were bringing Kubra down. They offered me a deal. Go to prison and probably be killed by someone in the organization before the day's end or give them everything and they'd give me a new life. I'm in witness protection" Alex gestured to her hair and flashed half a smirk.

Piper sat silently for a moment letting the information sink in. "How… How did this happen?"

"Well, when you do illegal shit it's bound to catch up with you"

"No I mean me living next to you. Shouldn't they be protecting you better?" Piper's voice was full of concern.

Alex shook her head "I never told them about you Piper."

Piper nodded, slowly realizing that even after everything Alex had lied to protect her. Keeping the promise she made before Brussels.

"Look Piper, I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never been in one place very long but I've been here almost 3 years. I was just starting to think I was safe. I have a life here."

Piper's guilt returned. All of the pain she'd caused Alex was visible on the woman's face. Alex had a home, someone she loved and Piper was threatening all of it. "You don't have to leave. If you don't want to be friends I can deal with it. Lots of neighbors don't talk to each other" Piper half smiled. She couldn't imagine being so close to Alex but not talking to her. Not seeing her.

Alex shook her head and released a disbelieving exhale of a laugh. "Piper, I can't live next to you. I'm an addict. Living next door to my ex and seeing her start a family and have the life we should have had together is a terrible idea." Alex didn't mean to reveal so much and hoped the blonde didn't catch it. "If Kubra's people found me they would find you too. They would use you to get to me. I have to leave."

"But I just found you" Piper's voice was thick with emotion.

Grimm dropped his antler chew and trotted to the door excitedly. There was a loud knock a few seconds later.

"Open up dumbass!" Nicky Nichols yelled as she banged on the door again.

"Shit" Alex quickly stood and caught Piper's frightened expression. "It's just my friend Nicky. Don't say anything. My name is Donna. You just moved in and were introducing yourself but you have to get back home and start dinner." Piper nodded understanding and tried to calm herself.

Alex opened the door "Hey Nicky"

"Grimmy boy!" Nicky bent down and pet the dog as he spun excitedly. When she looked up to greet Alex she spotted the blonde woman and immediately stiffened.

"Nicky this is my new neighbor Piper. She just came over to introduce herself and was on her way back home." Alex opened the door wider signaling for Piper to go.

"Yes, it was very nice to meet you Donna and you too Nicky" Piper smiled as she headed for the door.

Nicky grabbed the door and pulled it closed forcefully. "Cut the bullshit Alex."

"Who's Alex?" Piper asked too quickly and met a hard glare from Nicky. Alex's normally unreadable face was panicked. Nicky would never have used her real name without knowing something was up.

Nicky walked into the room and pulled a file folder from her bag throwing it down on the coffee table. "Imagine my surprise when I took a look at the cleared background report of your new neighbor. Sure she checked out. Ordinary and boring except for the constant traveling 8 years ago. Then I started thinking and had a hunch. Blonde. WASP-y. Blue eyes. Sounds like someone I've heard drunken mumblings about for the last seven years. So I checked her travel history. Guess who has a near perfect match with you Alex? You want to tell me what the fuck is going on? You told me the chick who broke your heart was never involved with the organization Alex. You swore to me."

_Fuck_. Alex's voice was high pitched with panic. "She wasn't. She was with me. She didn't do anything for Kubra." Piper stood stunned watching the two. Alex was still trying to keep her out of it. _Why?_

"She never met Kubra or anyone else in the organization?" Nicky questioned. She already knew the answer.

Alex shook her head "No"

"Dammit Vause don't fucking lie to me!"

Alex placed a hand on Piper's shoulder and looked into her frightened cerulean blue eyes "Piper go home. Everything will be fine."

"No, Piper stay right there. I have questions for you and I'm sure you'd rather answer them now verses me showing up at your house with a dozen US Marshals. I doubt your husband knows about any of this."

Piper nodded her head with wide panicked eyes and sat down on the couch.

"Alright Nicky!" Alex ran her hands through her hair and took a few deep breaths gathering herself before opening the flood gates. "She met Kubra. She met a lot of people in the organization. Kubra pressured me to have her carry a bag. I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, I'd done it dozens of times." Alex couldn't look either of them in the eyes. The guilt still suffocated her. "I asked and she did it. She was fucking brilliant." Alex licked her lips tasting the bitterness of her words. "After that… I knew I fucked up. I put her at risk. I was losing control but I couldn't stop. I realized Kubra wanted her involved so he could control her and use her to control me… I never told Kubra she did a job. I told him I was still trying to convince her, buying more time until he gave me an ultimatum in Paris… She carries a bag or she ends up in one." Alex bit the side of her cheek trying to stop the tremors in her jaw as her emotions took over. Tears welled in her eyes as she remembered the conversation with Kubra. Alex couldn't look at Piper. "I panicked. I asked her to do it again. She left me." Alex wiped the tears from her eyes "I was Kubra's best and I think he actually felt bad that his pressure caused Piper to leave me, the same day my mom died."

"Cold" Nicky said glaring at Piper.

"I explained that Piper never did anything for the organization and that I'd kept details from her. Piper's friends and family didn't even know she was with me and that she'd probably ran back home pretending none of it ever happened. He agreed to let her go." Alex finally looked at Piper and saw that the blonde had tears streaming down her face. It killed Alex. She wanted to explain further. She wanted Piper to fully understand why she did what she did. Nicky knew that look and she was too pissed off to spare any feelings "What aren't you telling me Vause?"

Alex closed her eyes letting the tears brim over as she shook her head. "Please" Alex begged Nicky to drop it but she was met with an apathetic stare. Alex finally turned her guilt into anger "I couldn't fix us!" Her voice pierced through the silence. "And I couldn't leave her…" Alex choked out the last as she looked at Piper's tear soaked face. "I couldn't leave, even if it saved her life. I made her walk away."

Piper's brows furrowed taking in the information. _This is why she never begged you to stay._ "No..." Piper didn't realize the words had left her mouth as she voiced her own regret. Piper's voice absolutely gutted Alex. The anguish was hers alone to bear. "Piper, you were right to leave. I had no right to ask you to stay. It wasn't part of the plan. I just... I didn't know how to breathe… it wasn't fair."

"None of it was fair." Red blue eyes met Alex's red green.

Nicky broke the silence "You do know if Kubra's men found you and find out she lives next door they would kill her to get to you."

"Nicky please. I'll move. Just keep it off the record." Alex pleaded with the shorter woman. She had spent 8 years living with the guilt of putting Piper's life at risk. She wasn't going to do it again.

Nicky shook her head and sighed. "I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you two are to avoid each other. I don't care if I have to schedule your grocery shopping trips. You are not to have any interaction." Alex reluctantly nodded her head in agreement. The blonde wiped away her tears and nodded. "I'm going home to figure this out. You two say whatever you need to say to finish it. No more communication once you leave this house Piper." Nicky glared at the two women before heading out the door.

Piper and Alex sat not speaking for several minutes. The only sound was Grimm chewing on his antler.

"He was going to have me killed?"

"I wouldn't have ever let something like that happen to you. I was trying to keep you safe!"

"You couldn't keep me safe. You can't even keep yourself safe!" Piper yelled.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Who is the one that wanted to meet Kubra? When I didn't want to stay and party you stayed with them. You knew exactly what you were getting in to. I didn't want you involved in anything illegal. I didn't want you getting in too deep. I was trapped and I was doing everything I could to keep you safe. You pushed and when shit got real you ran. You didn't talk to me about anything you didn't even give me a chance to explain. My mom died and you bolted so fuck you!" Alex didn't really mean it. Part of her still blamed Piper for the hurt. It was easier than taking it all herself.

"I'm sorry Alex. I really am but one second you're telling me Kubra would have had me killed if I had ditched the bag and the next you're telling me how turned on it made you. It terrified me. Then you wanted me to do it again. My life was at risk!" Piper yelled.

"You think mine wasn't!? If I failed Kubra would have killed us both. I was trying to find us a way out but I had to buy more time." Alex drew a deep breath.

"You never told me any of this. You let me be alone with them." Piper was reliving every moment spent in the company of Fahri and Kubra while Alex took care of business.

"I was a stupid selfish fuck up. I thought I could fix it. I thought I could get us out."

"You said…" Piper's voice broke as she was overcome with emotion. "You said that you loved your life and you could never imagine doing anything else. There was no other future for us."

Alex walked closer to Piper gently reaching out and wiped the tears away from the blonde with her thumb. "I didn't want you to know how scared I was. I was afraid you'd run away. I fucked up everything."

"How come you stayed?" Piper needed to know if this was real. If Alex was really planning on leaving the cartel why had she stayed with them? Why would she stay if they'd threatened their lives?

"I was going to leave. After the funeral. My mom would have been so disappointed in me. I talked to Fahri about it. Cried on his shoulder. Then I started using and everything faded away. I needed the cartel to feed my addiction" Tears streamed down Alex's face and Piper reached to wipe them away. "I know my track record is shit but I really do love you." Alex let it slip. She never stopped loving Piper. She never would.

In that moment everything Piper had suppressed over the last eight years came rushing back. A sudden jerking sob escaped her lips and she hugged Alex tightly, anchoring herself to the taller woman. She pulled at the Alex's shirt clinging, unable to hold her tight enough. Alex enveloped the blonde in her arms. A hand at the back of her head and the other tight around her waist. Piper's body ached as it remembered how it felt to be held by Alex and to smell her. She was home.

Alex felt whole again for the first time since Piper walked out of her life. She held her tightly and breathed in her scent knowing the clock was ticking and soon Piper would leave and be out of her life forever. Her broken heart was shattering more.

"I'm so sorry Pipes. For all of it. I'm sorry for asking you to stay. It was selfish. I-"

Piper interrupted "Your mother died. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry too."

The two continued to hold each other tightly knowing their time was running short and not wanting to lose a second of feeling the other so close.

Eventually Alex spoke breaking the long silence but didn't break the embrace. "Are you happy?"

Piper lifted her head to lock eyes with Alex. "Larry is a good man. I've been happy. I've tried to move on"

Alex kissed the top of Piper's head and stepped away keeping her hands on Piper's hips "That's all I ever wanted for you kid."

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you want me to do?" Alex searched Piper's face in a way she'd not allowed herself to do yet. Noticing every detail of the face she'd dreamed about for so long. "Tell me to go. Tell me that's what you want and I will walk away and you'll never see me again."

"Is that what you want?" Piper's blue eyes desperately searched for a sign of hope in Alex's.

"I want you" _I love you. Only you. I always have. I always will._ Alex's voice carried the weight of things unsaid.

"Al…I…I can't...I'm…" Piper shook her head unable to say it.

"I know" Alex brushed Piper's cheek with her hand and forced a small smile "It'll be alright" Alex pulled Piper into another hug and whispered in her ear "Don't forget me" then placed a soft kiss on Piper's cheek.

"I won't remember anything else" Piper whispered back. Alex pulled away quickly and forced herself to move down the hall unable to look back. Grimm followed closely behind. Piper's fingers went to her cheek where Alex's lips had touched. Still stunned, she turned and walked out of the house.

* * *

Alex had no more tears to cry. She lay on her back staring at the ceiling. Grimm rested his head on Alex's stomach watching her. Soft whines breaking the silence as the canine voiced his concern at seeing his person upset. Alex ran her fingers through Grimm's soft fur and scratched behind his ear "Thanks buddy". The canine looked at Alex with sincere amber eyes before turning with a groan and snuggling up along her legs.

Alex absently pet the sleeping dog and tried to focus on his deep breaths, attempting to pull her mind from the day. Trying to build her walls back up and close the floodgates. It had been almost 3 years since Nicky had shown up at her house with the young puppy.

_"Who's this?!" For the first time in months Alex's eyes were bright as she started petting the puppy in Nicky's arms._

_"That's for you to decide." Nicky had the biggest grin spreading across her face. She loved being right. Alex's lips parted as the realization set in. Her jaw quickly clinched shut and she stiffened shaking her head "No, no" She stepped away from the puppy as the familiar urge to run settled into her bones. _

_"Come on Vause, you need this. You haven't left the house since you got here. It's been a month. Time to step up." Nicky stepped forward with the puppy. Alex looked at his adorable pink tongue sticking out and bright amber eyes. He had one floppy ear and one ear almost standing but flipped forward at the tip. "Nichols I've never even had a fish. What the fuck do I know about owning a dog?" Nicky smiled and pushed the pup into Alex's arms "You've got plenty of time to learn."_

_Alex looked at the pup in her arms and back to Nicky "Nicky.. " she tilted her head pleading as Nicky stood in the open door. "He's going to get hungry soon. You'll need to go get puppy stuff and toys. Don't let him down Vause." Nicky turned not waiting for a response and closed the door leaving Alex standing there stunned "Fuck."_

Alex had taken to the dog effortlessly. The canine was her shadow, following her everywhere as they went for walks around town. They excelled in training classes and the Marshals service helped with protection training. Alex had found she was actually living. Not hiding or running for the first time in 5 years. She had chosen the name Grimm based on the Grimm tales. It seemed a fitting name for an intimidating looking dog. Eventually Alex started feeling like herself. She started feeling like she could have a life. She had opened Green Light almost a year ago. She stopped looking for the cartel around every corner. Now, when she entered a room or scanned a crowd it was only the blonde's face she sought.

Alex exhaled heavily before rising out of bed. Sleep wasn't going to happen anytime soon. With Grimm at her heels, she retrieved a beer from the fridge and made her way back through the dark house to her bedroom and stepped out onto the balcony alone. The moon was obscured by distant clouds but countless stars were visible in the night sky. Alex lit a cigarette and leaned on the railing as she exhaled trying to blow everything out with the smoke. A flash of light caught her eye and Alex saw the TV glowing from the living room next door. It grew brighter once more and Alex felt the knife twisting. Piper was asleep on the couch. Her head resting on her husband's chest and his arm draped around her shoulder. Alex wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She couldn't do this.

* * *

A/N: Hey, so that was long. I have this almost entirely finished and plan on breaking up into 3-4 long chapters if anyone is interested in reading it. Hope no one minded the Imagine Me &amp; You scene. It has more relevance later in the story.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex left early the next morning to head to work. She pulled into the parking lot and unlocked the building making her way through the store to her office in the back. Grimm laid down next to Alex's desk as she went over morning paperwork.

"Good morning boss"

Pulled from her thoughts, Alex looked up to see her manager Tasha "Morning Tasha"

"You alright? Looks like you didn't get much sleep. Need a coffee?" The woman asked kindly.

Alex raised her mug "Thanks anyway"

Tasha nodded her head "I'll be up front if you need anything" Alex nodded back and continued staring blankly at her screen. Alex had barely slept and now could do little but think of Piper. She was once again pulled from her thoughts by her phone vibrating.

Alex sighed seeing it was Nicky and pressed the green button. Before she could say hello the fiery woman was already speaking "First off, fuck you Vause. I was up all night trying to sort this shit out. Second, fuck you Vause. I was up all night dealing with this and now Lorna is pissed. Thirdly, FUCK YOU Vause! If this blows up you have to leave town. That means I have to choose my career or Lorna."

"Nicky I'm sorry" Alex was exhausted and her voice completely deflated "Whatever you need me to do I will."

Nicky was silent for a moment, "I'm coming by for lunch. You're house hunting. I want you on the other side of town. We'll talk about the business later. Moving that is going to be harder."

"Nick-" Alex was cut off by Nicky "Save it Vause. Larry Bloom is a writer. Piper was a literature major. They like to read. You own a bookstore. Sooner or later one of them is going to walk through that door and fuck everything up again."

Alex nodded her head even though Nicky couldn't see her "I'll see you at lunch. Thanks Nichols" Alex hung up not waiting for a reply. Once again Piper Chapman was leaving her life and Alex had nothing left.

* * *

After leaving Alex's house the night before the blonde was in a daze. Everything was out of control. Piper had barely slept and once Larry headed off to work she decided to leave the house. She couldn't sit at stare at the house next door wondering where Alex was. Her morning run had failed to clear her head so she decided to explore the area. First thing she needed to find was a good place to get coffee and read a book. A quick google search revealed 2 places within 20 minutes. A Barnes &amp; Noble and a local business, Green Light Books and Café. Piper decided to check out the small business.

As Piper pulled up she smiled. The storefront was charming. Red brick and white window frames. It reminded her of an old bookstore she frequented in Paris when they had first arrived full of all the hope the city of love brings. The attached café had an outdoor patio and Piper could picture herself spending many afternoons here. The blonde smiled as she pulled open the door and took in the aroma of strong coffee and books.

"Welcome to Green Light" Tasha smiled as an unfamiliar face entered the store. Their mornings were usually full of regulars coming in for coffee on their way to work. "Hi, thank you" Piper smiled back to the woman as she looked around the large open space. The inside of the bookstore resembled a large home library. Dark wood shelves and wood floors. Leather couches and chairs placed around for reading. A more modern inspired café made up the far end of the building.

"I'm Tasha the manager. Let me know if there's anything I can help you find."

Piper laughed "I think I need some coffee first" she smiled warmly at the woman and made her way to the barista. She was pleased to find her favorite brew was one of the featured items on the menu.

"What brings you in today, besides coffee?" The small woman behind the counter asked.

"I just moved here. My husband is a writer. I had to find a place for a good coffee and book." Piper grinned as the barista nodded. "So what's with the name? It's different... Good different" Piper clarified.

The barista looked up and smiled "It's French." Piper furrowed her brows not understanding. "My dad was in the army. I was born there."

Piper's eyes widened as she noticed the barista's name tag _Poussey_. "Poussey… I'm… I'm sorry. I meant the store. Green Light."

Poussey nodded and was impressed that the blonde actually understood her name was French and not slang. "Owner is a Gatsby fan. The Green light, hope, the unattainable." Piper nodded understanding all too well. She'd spent many dreams reaching out towards her own green light that shined in Alex's eyes. Once Piper had her coffee she made her way to a nearby table and grabbed the nearest book.

* * *

Alex had been in her office for over 2 hours and still had not done much more than stare at the screen. She decided to head up front and get more coffee. Grimm ran out of the office ahead of her. It was typical for Grimm to be out in the store. Most customers loved him and he was a huge hit at the children's book events. Grimm headed towards the barista station where his food and water bowl were kept. Alex was stopped as she entered the store by a regular customer who wanted to thank her for a book recommendation. "My pleasure. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Alex smiled as the older man turned to exit the store. He bumped into a display causing a pile of books to fall on the floor. Alex politely told the man she'd clean up and sent him on his way.

Piper was lost in her book and didn't hear the canine approach. A wet nose pushed her elbow as it rested on the table. Piper was surprised to see the happy dog in front of her. She didn't immediately recognize him.

"Don't mind Grimm, he's a sweet boy. He's the owner's dog" the barista called from her station. Piper froze and focused on the dogs face and then to his tag 'Grimm' engraved on a sliver tag. _The owner's dog._ Piper shook her head at the thought _no no this is just some crazy coincidence. This can't happen again._ "You alright miss? Grimm come here buddy leave her alone. He didn't scare you did he?" Tasha reached down taking the dog's collar in her hand. She loved the dog but knew some customers were not dog lovers and were easily scared by the intimidating looking canine. Piper shook her head and tried to form words but her mind was spinning.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tasha asked again. The blonde looked like she was about to have a panic attack. Tasha turned around to find her boss hoping she could help calm the customer. "Donna… Donna.. Donn-"

"What is it Tash?" the red haired woman came out of one of the aisles and looked at Grimm still in Tasha's grasp, her expression quickly changed. "What did he do?"

"Nothing he just said hello to a customer. I think he freaked her out. I think she's having a panic attack or something. I'm going to put him in your office. Can you go calm her down?" Alex nodded as Tasha headed towards the back office. _Fucking shit, this is the last thing I need today._

As Alex rounded the corner she saw the blonde with her head in her hands sitting at the café table. _Fuck._ "Poussey take a break. Tasha's in the back. Can you give me a few minutes." Alex raised her eyebrow it wasn't a question and Poussey nodded before heading to the back of the store.

Piper raised her head as she heard the approaching footsteps "Pipes? You alright?" Alex asked giving a concerned look to the blonde.

Piper laughed dryly and shook her head no. She was trying to hold it together but could feel herself on the verge of a hysterical fit of laughter and tears. "Don't move" Alex quickly turned around double checking the floor that no other customers were in the building. Alex went to the front desk and scribbled on a piece of paper, she taped it to the front door and locked it. She went to her office and found Tasha and Poussey with Grimm. Tasha spoke first, "How's that lady?" Alex looked at Tasha "Fine, just a bad morning. Look guys something came up and I need to close for the day. Enjoy a paid day off."

"For real?" Poussey raised her brows and Alex nodded. "Everything okay boss?" Tasha asked with a skeptical expression. "Yeah guys everything is okay. I'll see you at open tomorrow." The two nodded and left through the back exit. Alex called the rest of her staff and let them know they didn't need to come in today.

"Grimm come" Alex headed back up front with Grimm and found Piper had moved to a shelf full of owner recommendations. Piper was pulling books out and frantically searching the shelf.

"Pipes?" Alex questioned softly.

"Where is it?" Piper's voice sharp at the edges.

"Where's what?" Alex took a few small steps approaching the distressed blonde "Pipes calm down. What are you looking for?"

"The book Alex. They're all here, all of them except… Where is it?" The blonde's cerulean blue eyes locked onto Alex's chartreuse green.

"I never finished it. I can't recommend a book I didn't read" Alex stated simply.

Piper looked at Alex, her expression questioning the taller woman. "Why?"

Alex sighed and shook her head breaking eye contact "I try every once in a while and every time all I can think about is the last time I read it, in Paris before… I…I couldn't finish it. If I did it was like I was closing that chapter of my life and you both would be gone forever. I couldn't finish it."

The revelation sent Piper's heart to an erratic pace. She'd never been able to finish it either. Quickly, she turned and walked back towards the café table. Alex followed. The blonde grabbed her purse and turned to leave almost running into the taller woman. "I should go" Piper mumbled as she stepped around Alex.

"Piper wait" Alex grabbed the blonde's arm and stopped her. "We're alone. I closed the store. Nicky is coming by in a few hours. I… I'm leaving."

Piper's expression pained "This is your store." It was barely a question. Alex nodded her head. "It looks just like that one in Paris." Alex nodded. "I can't… I can't be the reason you lose this place too. I will leave. I'll stay away. I'll tell Larry I have to go back to New York. Polly will cover for me. I can't do this to you again."

"Piper… I closed for the day so we could talk before Nicky gets here." Piper exhaled relief at understanding Alex was not closing down the store because of her. Alex gestured for Piper to take a seat. The blonde sat down unsure of what to do next. Alex stepped towards the barista's station.

"Do you want something else to drink or something to eat?" Alex asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee. Piper didn't respond. Remembering what the blonde liked, Alex quickly made her a drink and brought it to the table. Piper was grateful for a distraction and took a sip. She smiled at the perfect taste knowing that Alex had remembered how she took her coffee after all of these years.

"Look Piper… yesterday… I …" Alex trailed off not sure where to begin.

"This is my fault" Piper tried to force a smile. "You know me, new place and the first thing on my agenda is finding a place for a good coffee and book." Alex half smiled remembering how Piper would drag her out to explore the area in each city they visited looking for a café and bookstore. "I never imagined that one day I'd end up in one you own"

"There's a lot we never imagined" Alex said softly as she stared into the contents of her mug lost in her thoughts.

Piper looked up expecting to meet Alex's gaze and saw her lost in deep thought. She allowed herself to stare, taking in all of the subtle changes of the woman she once centered her life around. Her hair was red and it seemed to make her green eyes darker. Piper almost wished Alex would look up so she could stare deep into the familiar irises once more. A few laugh lines were visible if you looked hard. Her skin was still flawless and Piper knew from seeing her run that Alex was in phenomenal shape. Alex wore black framed glasses that sat perfectly on the bridge of her nose. She had not been wearing glasses yesterday and Piper felt like Alex was a little more herself today despite the hair. Her lips were still perfectly full. Piper quickly pulled her attention away as thoughts of what Alex could do with that mouth started to creep into her mind.

Alex looked up briefly catching the blonde's gaze "Look, I thought a lot last night. You're happy and you deserve it. I'm not going to mess up your life again. Nicky will be here in a few hours and we're going to talk about my relocat-"

"No" Piper barely recognized her own voice as the words escaped.

"Piper look at me." Alex gestured at herself "I've been hiding for 7 years. Eventually they always find me. I'm not putting you at risk" Alex raised her eyebrows and challenged Piper to argue.

"What do you mean they always find you? Have they gotten to you before?" Piper's eyes were wide with worry.

Alex shrugged "A few close calls. There's a lot to adjust to early on. I've gotten better."

"Then there's no reason you have to leave. If Kubra was going to use me to get to you he would have done it a long time ago. It wouldn't have mattered where you were. If he had me he would have gotten to you."

"Piper…" Alex took a breath and then looked back into Piper's eyes "It's not just the cartel. _I_ can't be around you. I can't be your friend."

Piper nodded silently understanding. _Of course she wouldn't want anything to do with you. You left her when her mother died. You broke her heart. She gave you everything and you left her with nothing._ "You're right. I don't think I'd forgive me either."

Alex furrowed her brows "That has nothing to do with it. Do you not listen to anything I say? I'm an addict. I can't live wondering if I'm going to bump into you every single day. I can't know where you live. I can't see you with…" Alex stopped herself from admitting how much it killed her to see Piper with her husband. "Sooner or later I'd use just to forget."

"I promise I will do whatever Nicky says. You won't have to worry about running into me." Piper was lying through her teeth. She'd barely slept either. Knowing Alex was so close to her and that everything she'd thought about her had been wrong she was reeling, questioning her whole life for the past 8 years. She loved Larry. He was a good man. Kind and loving. Safe. Piper had been happy hadn't she? Life with Alex was impossible so she had forced herself to move on. Seeing Alex now it was painfully clear that no one had ever compared. No one had ever taken her place. No one could make Piper feel the way Alex Vause did. It was only a matter of time before Piper accepted this. For now though she convinced herself she could be friends with Alex. If they were friends then she'd have closure and then she could put all of these feelings to rest. She'd no longer feel this pull towards her.

"What happens when your husband wants to go grocery shopping on a day that I go? What happens when we bump into each other at the gas station… at a stoplight…a restaurant… taking out the trash… walking down the street? It's no way to live Piper." Alex stated the obvious but it's not how she felt. She wanted Piper close. Even if she couldn't be with the blonde she took comfort knowing she was near. Knowing she was safe and happy. Knowing that she could see that smile and those blue eyes. Alex also knew that it would kill her. She would die a little inside each time she saw Piper happy knowing she wasn't the cause of that happiness.

"Why does it have to be different than seeing any other stranger on the street?" Piper asked without thinking.

"Oh I don't know because you aren't a fucking stranger. You saw me and ran into garbage cans Piper. Look, enough okay? Let's take this for what it is. We should have never seen each other again but we have and now Nicky will make sure it never happens again. We have a chance say goodbye." Alex of course didn't want to say goodbye. She wanted Piper. She knew that wasn't an option so once again she found herself wanting to protect Piper. Wanting to make sure Piper was happy and would be alright.

"What do you want me to say Al? I was alright and since last night…" Piper shook her head "All this time I thought one thing and now… now I know I was wrong. Everything is different but nothing is changing. You're leaving me."

"You know I don't want to. I _can't_ stay Piper." Alex's gaze bore into the blonde. She'd never been able to leave Piper and she didn't know how to now. It was out of her control. She hadn't been in control of her life in years. This wasn't her choice. It was killing her. A tear spilled over running down the blonde's cheek. Alex reached out, gently caressing Piper's face in her hand as her thumb wiped the tear away.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Nicky Nichols emerged from the back of the store and spotted the pair sitting at the nearest café table. Alex quickly withdrew her hand.

"Nicky it's not what you th-" Alex started to explain.

"Shut the fuck up Vause. Bloom?" Nicky looked at the blonde waiting for an explanation.

Piper didn't immediately respond to the name she was called, she opened her mouth but nothing came out. Nicky took a deep breath while her eyes burned holes into the pair in front of her. "This is Alex's store so I expect her to be here. You Bloom I do not. I told you to STAY THE FUCK AWAY and here you are."

"I…I didn't know. I came in and saw the dog and panicked." Piper tried to explain before being cut off by Nicky again "Wait let me get this straight. You came in and saw Grimm not Alex?" Piper nodded. "And instead of running as fast as you can out of that door you stayed and waited for Alex? Is that what you're fucking telling me? Because I know last night I specifically told you that you were NEVER to see her again."

"Nicky it wasn't like that" Alex tried to explain.

"What did I tell you this morning Vause? You are fucking up my life. This isn't just about you anymore! Do you want out?" Nicky glared at the taller woman "Answer me!"

Alex froze. If there was a fraction of a chance she could be with Piper she would take it no matter the risk to herself but she'd be putting Piper at risk as well. She just couldn't find the words to say no. She didn't know how to say she was leaving Piper.

Piper stared at Alex and half hoped Alex would say yes but quickly realized that would put her life at risk "Of course she doesn't want to. It's the only thing keeping her alive." Alex could only nod as she tightened her jaw and fought back tears welling in her eyes.

"Then it's settled. You're moving."

Alex opened her mouth but was cut off before she could utter a word.

"Save it. Wait for me in your office. I need a few minutes with Bloom." Nicky met Alex's glare and silently challenged the taller woman to piss her off further.

Alex closed her eyes for a moment gathering herself. She started to turn back towards Piper when Nicky grabbed her arm and spoke quietly through gritted teeth "No looking back. Stay in your office. If I even think you are eavesdropping I'm going to make her life very difficult." Alex clinched her jaw shut and nodded before heading towards her office. Grimm followed behind. When she reached her office Alex slumped in her chair and the tremors took over causing her lip to quiver. Unable to fight it any longer a sob escaped her lips and the tears flooded from her eyes.

* * *

"Bloom" Nicky glared at Piper who had wide eyes. "Why are you here?"

Piper struggled to speak as she looked in the direction Alex had disappeared in. _That's the last time I'll ever see Alex. I never got to tell her I'm sorry. How much I've missed her. That I still_…

"Bloom!" Nicky's voice pulled Piper from her thoughts.

"I came for coffee and to find a good book" Piper answered quickly.

Nicky lowered her head and glared harder "Why did you stick around when you learned this was Alex's store?"

"I..I panicked and then before I knew it she was right here"

"Bullshit" Piper looked up wide eyed at Nicky "You know when shit goes down and I panic my first instinct is to run. You expect me to believe that you, a person with a history of running when shit goes down who is an avid runner no less stayed seated because she panicked? And Alex had time to close up the store and send her employees home while you sat there panicking?"

Piper sighed "Look I've been a wreck since yesterday. So much has changed I just wanted-"

"You just wanted to convince her to stay so you could have your cake and eat it too."

Piper shook her head "No that's not, that's not it at all"

"Then enlighten me blondie" Nicky crossed her arms over her chest.

"I ruined her life" Piper barely got the words out before tears started streaming down her face "I was going to tell her to stay and I'd leave. I'd go back to New York. I'd do whatever you wanted me to do. I wanted to do anything to make it up to her."

Nicky uncrossed her arms and she almost allowed herself to feel bad for this woman. She'd spent the last 7 years telling Alex to get over her that she wasn't worth it. She had suspicions that the blonde woman Alex was hung up on was involved in the cartel but she never had enough information to investigate it further. Alex, even when she was at her drunkest, never gave up the blonde's name.

"Do you love her?" Nicky asked staring intensely at the blonde.

"It's… it's difficult" Piper said through tears.

"It's really not Piper. You love her or you don't. And to be clear I'm not asking if you love her like a friend or someone you really care about but you'll never change or give up anything for. I mean do you love her like I've seen her love you, still… after all of the shit you put her through."

Piper of course loved Alex. More than anything. She thought of Alex every day, she loved Alex more than anyone but she'd convinced herself a life with Alex was not possible, she'd forced herself to move on and try to be happy. Last night changed everything she thought she knew. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my life" Piper finally managed to confess.

"But?"

Piper shook her head "I don't know. So much has happened."

"If tomorrow the cartel found Alex and she had to leave would you go with her?"

"I don't know how to lose her again. I don't know that I can leave my husband, family, and friends forever. Moving here was hard enough. I only came because I thought I would finally move on from Alex… I… I need time. I need to talk to her." Piper's wide blue eyes pleaded with Nicky.

Nicky slammed her hand down on the table and shook her head glaring at the blonde "I'm not going to let you break her heart again. You have no idea what she's been through. If you really mean what you said then go. Go back to New York and leave her the fuck alone. She's worked so hard to get here." Nicky waved her arms gesturing around the store.

"I'm not going to hurt her. I just need some time to figure things out. You don't under-" Piper was once again cut off by Nicky. "Save it Bloom. It's over. You're married. Alex may not care enough about herself but I do… Look, you were right to leave her back then. She was a shitty fucking person. The way you left was really fucking shitty but you were a kid. You're allowed to make poor life choices. Now be a fucking adult. Man up and do the right thing here. Let her get on with her life like you've done with yours."

* * *

Nicky heard Alex crying as she approached the office door. She paused for a moment before quietly opening the door hoping to not startle her. Grimm was sitting next to Alex with his head in her lap looking up at her. Alex's elbows rested on her desk and her head rested in her hands. Glasses carelessly discarded on the desk. Alex's body shook as she sobbed. Nicky had never seen Alex so upset and it shocked her. She placed a hand on her friend's shoulder "Vause"

Alex choked back another sob as her tear soaked face and red puffy eyes looked at Nicky. Nicky tilted her head slightly seeing her friend so broken "Oh Vause, come 'ere" Nicky opened her arms to hug the taller woman. Alex's bottom lip started to quiver unable to hold back her sobs any longer. She stood from her chair and hugged the shorter woman, her cries were slightly muffled by Nicky's shoulder.

"Alex, come on, talk to me" Nicky said as she rubbed her hand along Alex's back. Alex stepped away from the hug and attempted to hide her face. She retrieved a tissue from her desk and blew her nose as she tried to calm herself. "T-that's the last" Alex inhaled sharply "time I'll ever see her. All this time I hoped even though it was stupid I hoped I'd see her again and that there was still a chance for us no matter how small." More tears ran from Alex's eyes. "That was the last time I'll ever see her. It's really over." Alex collapsed back in her chair with her head in her hands.

"Vause I'm sorry. I really am but listen to me. It's been 8 years. She's moved on. She's married. You were just starting to live again. Don't you fuckin dare throw it all away. You need to let go."

Alex took a heavy breath and rubbed the stray tears from her eyes. "I don't know how."

Nicky rubbed the taller woman's back "I'll help. Why don't you go home and pack some bags. Stay at the safe house for the rest of the week?" Alex looked up at Nicky considering it. "You're not going to get anywhere seeing her next door Vause. You need to get away and clear your head until we get this sorted out."

* * *

Alex decided to call her store manager first to let her know she'd have to take care of things for the rest of the week. "Hey Tasha its Donna"

"Hey boss. How is everything? Hell of a strange morning yeah?"

"Yeah, listen the reason I called is that I have a family emergency. I need to fly out tonight and I probably won't be back until next Monday. Think you can run things for me while I'm out?"

"Yes, absolutely. You never talk about your family but I hope whoever or whatever it is will be alright and if there's anything I can do to help or whatever you just say the word. I'll let Poussey and Cindy know you'll be gone for the week."

"Thanks Tash, I really appreciate it. If anything comes up text me and I'll try to respond as soon as possible."

"Sure thing Donna, you take care."

"Thanks" Alex hung up and contemplated letting her girlfriend know she'd be gone. Alex hadn't planned on responding to any of her calls or texts while she was out of town anyway. Deciding she'd had enough drama for the day Alex put her phone down and started getting paperwork in order and instructions for Tasha for the week.

* * *

Alex pulled into the drive taking caution to avoid looking next door. She stayed stuck in her seat. Unable to move. Torn between walking next door and walking into her own home. The two paths in front of her both with their pros and cons. Alex knew what she should do but fuck it, she was leaving. She had to see Piper. She stepped out of the SUV and headed towards the house next door.

"Don't even think about it Vause." Nicky called out as Alex froze in her tracks. She slowly turned to look at the shorter woman. "You think I was going to let you do this alone? Come on, let's get you packed." Nicky headed inside with Alex and Grimm to gather some belongings for the week and a good supply of alcohol. Grimm's crate wouldn't fit in Nicky's car so they took Alex's SUV to the safe house.

The ride to the safe house was tensely quiet. Nicky tried to casually bring up another difficult topic. "I'll cover for you with Eve until you decide what you want to do." Alex stared at Nicky incredulously. "Vause you can't just vanish, she'll call the police it will be a whole thing. I'll cover for you." Alex shook her head "No, don't do me any favors. I'll call her tonight. I'll end it. I've been meaning to for weeks anyway." Nicky sighed "You know you can't have your cell there." Alex threw her head back into the seat and exhaled. _Could this day be any more fucked?_ "Fine. Pull over. I'll do it now."

"Vause.."

"Pull the fuck over Nichols." Alex's fists clinched and Nicky obliged not wanting to upset the woman further.

Nicky watched as Alex paced alongside the road. Alex's body was tense and it was obvious the breakup was not as clean as Alex had hoped it to be.

"Don't say a fucking word. Just drive." Alex ordered as she fell into the seat exhaling deeply, she threw her head back and ran a hand through her hair. Nicky started the SUV and turned up the radio before heading back onto the road.

* * *

After driving around aimlessly the blonde returned home and immediately stripped herself of her clothes trying to shed every reminder of what had happened. She grabbed a bottle of wine and headed for her bathroom ready to soak and drink away all of her feelings. She awoke hours later. The bathwater tepid and her mind still struggling to think of anything but Alex.

Piper was standing in a daze at the kitchen sink looking out the window at Alex's house when she heard him enter. _Fuck. Shit._ Piper had completely forgotten about Larry. Forgotten her husband. She ran to the refrigerator quickly pulling out random items to prepare dinner. Anything to cover the fact that she'd spent all day running from the truth. Running from what she'd known the moment she boarded that plane from Paris. Alex. It's always been Alex. No one would ever compare.

"Hey Pipes" Larry placed his hands on his wife's waist as he kissed her cheek.

"How was your first day?" Piper hoped her voice sounded as it should. Like a happy wife greeting her husband after a long first day.

"It was so great! The guys are great. My editor Mark wants us to come out for dinner in a couple of weeks." Piper nodded as he spoke and managed a few forced smiles that thankfully Larry was too excited to notice she was faking it. _Nothing new there. _

Piper managed to keep up appearances through dinner until Larry was ready for bed. Piper pretended to be reading promising she'd be up later. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in the bed with him. She couldn't bear to feel his hands roaming her body. The day had drained her. She woke up in the morning to Larry rubbing her shoulder. "Piper, baby, wake up."

It took the blonde a few seconds to remember how she was supposed to respond. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep on the couch."

Larry's face was soft as a thumb brushed under her eye and along her cheekbone. "Pipes, what's wrong?"

Piper pulled a weak smile "Nothing Lar, just tired."

"Piper, I can tell you've been crying. What's wrong? Did I do something?" Piper hated herself even more. This wasn't Larry's fault. He didn't deserve this.

"Of course not sweetie. I guess I just didn't realize how much I'd miss everyone."

Larry nodded understanding. "Soon enough you and Polly will be setting up shop and you'll get your routine back. Just enjoy a vacation." Larry smiled before placing a kiss atop Piper's nose. "I have to get going babe. We'll talk more tonight" Piper nodded and wished him a good day. Once Larry's car was out of sight Piper retreated to the bedroom closing the blinds and shutting out the world.

* * *

The days had dragged and Piper had not seen a light on at Alex's. She thought she'd heard the garage door a few times but never made it to the window in time to see her. On the fourth day a loud crash pulled Piper from her warm bed. She opened the blinds allowing sunlight into the darkened bedroom as she looked next door. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the light and then she spotted a brunette throwing a bag into the back of her car before storming back into the house. A hundred thoughts racing through her mind Piper clung to the fact that for the first time in days Alex's car was parked in the driveway.

Piper stepped off the porch set on walking next door when the noticeably furious brunette stormed back out of the house. Piper turned towards the mailbox pretending not to notice her. She heard the car door slam and the engine roar to life, she turned just in time to see the car speed away. Piper stalled a few minutes making sure no one was watching before she went next door. She tried turning the knob and was immediately thankful the angry brunette didn't lock the door.

"Alex?" Piper called as she entered the home. She called out a few more times and then noticed a letter on the kitchen counter.

_Donna,_

_You're a fucking coward. You break up with me over the fucking phone. You haven't returned any of my messages and you can't even face me now. I had to find out from fucking Nicky that you skipped town. Whoever the bitch is I hope you'll both be miserable together. You deserve it._

Piper couldn't help but smile. _Good riddance bitch. _Immediately after the thought she focused on the words again. Skipped town. Alex was already being relocated. Piper began shaking her head as the fear set in. She quickly walked through the living room and down the hall where'd she'd seen Alex retreat the first time she was in the home.

She went upstairs and found Alex's bedroom. Clothes thrown around the room and dresser drawers left open by the brunette but that was the only sign of her existence. The room smelled like Alex. Driven by an overwhelming force Piper made her way to the bed. She allowed her fingers to skate across the pillow before burying her face in the soft cotton breathing in the scent. It was Alex. It was home.

When she looked up she noticed the picture on the nightstand facing the bed. It was a picture Piper had taken on their last day in Java, only printed in black and white. Alex's back to the camera, damp hair softly blown in the wind. Alex was sitting on the beach looking at the ocean lost in thought. It was there that she'd felt closer to Alex than ever before. A week on the beach alone. A week Alex had spent showing Piper how much she loved her. Then it hit her. After Java had been Brussels. She wondered now if Alex had been thinking in this moment what was to come. Then she realized yes. That night when they made love Alex had tears in her eyes when she whispered I love you. Then Piper's heart broke a little more knowing that Alex kept this picture. The first and last thing she probably looked at each day. A reminder of a choice she'd made and what she lost because of it. That was the beginning of the end for them.

Piper made her way into Alex's office looking for anything that would point her to Alex. She found a familiar lockbox in her desk and remembered the combination, the date they met. Inside she found a cell phone with no contacts, cash, some legal documents, and a USB drive. Quickly Piper turned on the computer and inserted the drive. Piper scanned through the files finding nothing that stood out before finding a locked file named NLMG. She immediately recognized it as the book they never finished, Never Let Me Go. She tried the same password as the lockbox and was in. There were scanned photos from Alex's childhood, Diane, Alex, and a lot of Piper and the two of them together. Piper had to force herself not to go through them. She finally found an address book and then Nicky's number and address. Without thinking she was copying the information down and putting everything back in its place.

* * *

"I brought lunch Vause" Nicky struggled to keep the pizza box out of Grimm's curious reach as she closed the door.

"You know, you don't have to come checkup on me every single fuckin day. What am I gonna do? You took my phone and my car, there's no internet, and no more fucking alcohol."

Nicky grinned as she set the pizza box on the counter. "Good to see you're in better spirits"

"Fuck off."

"I didn't even drive your car today. I'm in mine."

"First time all week. You've been rubbing it in."

Nicky laughed as she pulled a piece of pepperoni off a slice and fed it to Grimm. "If you behave I'll take you on a field trip to the gas station to get you your precious liquor."

A smirk returned to Alex's face for the first time in days. She grabbed a slice of pizza before walking away. "I better go get cleaned up if you're taking me out on the town."

* * *

_Fuck. FUCK._ Piper had called the number 4 times and continued to hear the same message "I'm sorry, the cellular customer you're trying to reach is out of the service area."

Piper slammed her phone down on the desk. She drummed her fingers along the smooth surface thinking when she heard the squeal of brakes outside. Piper cautiously approached the window suddenly fearing she'd set off some hidden alarm and the police had arrived to arrest her. _Breaking and entering, stalking, way to go Chapman. Bloom._ A FedEx truck had stopped across the street. Relived, Piper spun back around and caught sight of the key ring. Smiling like an idiot Piper grabbed the keys and hit the remote start. The SUV in the driveway came to life and Piper quickly retrieved her phone and the paper with Nicky's number and address before locking up and heading out.

Piper's hands shook as she typed the address into the navigation of Alex's SUV. Her thoughts raced, telling herself she should stop now take the car back and forget it all. She turned on the stereo to drown them out.

_Not really sure how to feel about it  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you  
It takes me all the way  
I want you to stay_

_Oh the reason I hold on  
Oh cause I need this hole gone  
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving  
'Cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving_

Piper wiped the tears beginning to run down her cheeks. There was no way she was turning back now.

After a short drive Piper arrived at her destination. Her white knuckle grip on the steering wheel finally loosened. She purposely approached the door and knocked twice then once more. A short brunette answered the door.

"Hello? Can I help you?" The woman with a thick accent spoke.

"Hi. Umm I'm looking for Nicky." Piper spoke quickly and tried to stop her hands from shaking.

The brunette furrowed her brows. "And how do you know my Nicky?"

"Uh well I'm really looking for her friend. Al- uh her friend Donna. I was hoping Nicky could help me find her. It's really _really_ important."

Surprised at this the brunette spoke "Oh sweetie, I hate to be the one to tell you but Donna does this. She's not really the settling down type." The brunette whispered the last as if she was sharing gossip in a crowded room. "I'll let Nicky know you stopped by."

The brunette started to close the door and Piper put her foot in preventing the door from closing. "You didn't even get my name. Please. I'm begging you. I've tried calling but I can't reach her."

The alarm on the brunette's face faded when she caught sight of Donna's SUV in front of the house. "What did you say your name was?"

Piper exhaled "Piper. I'm an old friend. It's very important that I get in touch with her as soon as possible."

The brunette's eyes grew wide as soon as she heard the name and she opened the door pulling a shocked Piper inside. "I'm Lorna by the way."

Piper shook her hand and smiled. "Lorna thank you. Do you have a way to reach Nicky?"

Lorna ignored the question, too focused on her own. "You know, Donna is one of those guarded tough types but every once in a while when she's really drunk she talks about you."

Piper's eyes go wide and her heart catches.

"She only let your name slip once and made me swear never to tell Nicky but I always know when she's talking about you… and here you are. Did something happen? Is that why she's at the cabin?"

"Cabin?" Piper asked.

Lorna nodded "Nicky's got a place. Really nice but not so great cell reception. She went up to check on Donna this morning. She should be back tonight."

"Donna will be back?"

"Um I don't think so. Sounded like she might stay there for a while. Nicky will be back though."

"Lorna please. Please. I need to see her. Can you give me the address?" Piper's intense pleading eyes bore into the brunette.

"Nicky is real particular about that sweetie. I'm sworn to secrecy." Lorna offered an apologetic look.

Piper could feel her temper raging below the surface. She closed her eyes and clinched her fist before gritting out "Lorna" _breathe_ "I really have to see her now. It's now or never and I really cannot spend the rest of my life regretting this any longer." _Breathe_ "So please help me. I'm begging you. Please Lorna. I have to see her." Piper could feel her body trembling.

Lorna was a hopeless romantic and couldn't stand in the way of true love which is what she always felt this was when Donna had spoken of the blonde. "Alright, but you didn't get this from me."

* * *

Once Piper was in route to the cabin she took several deep breaths before calling Polly and was immediately sent to voicemail. _Fuck_. She tried the PoPi line next. Polly answered on the first ring.

"You're reading my thoughts. I was just going to call you but my phone is dead. I miss you Piper." Polly whined and laughed.

Piper chuckled but mostly due to her nerves "I've missed you too Polly. I wish you were here. So much has happened."

"Oh gossip? Already" Do tell!" Polly laughed again.

"Polly this is strictly best friend top secret okay?"

Polly almost squealed she was positive Piper was going to say she was pregnant. "I'm pinky swearing over here Piper. Tell me."

"I'm serious Polly. No one, not Pete and especially not Larry."

"Of course Piper come on, I'm dying here. Tell me." Polly was grinning anticipating the baby news.

Piper sighed heavily "Something happened and I need you to cover for me. I need you to say something happened with the business or something personal where you need your best friend and I need you to cover for me. I need you to say I'm staying with you. Just for the rest of the week. I should be back in a couple of days."

Polly was at a loss for words "Wha...what? What's going on Piper?"

"Polly you're my best friend, you're like my sister. I love you and I need you to do this for me. Please!"

"Piper! What the hell? You can't just expect me to lie. Are you in some kind of trouble? You're worrying me. What is it? Just tell me and I promise we'll work it out. You can't just say you're leaving and you need me to cover for you. Last time you asked me to do that you were running off with… oh god. Piper?"

"Pol, it's _really_ complicated. I need this. You know I need this. Please. Please do this for me." Piper bit her lip as she waited for Polly to respond.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Supercunt is there!?"

"Polly I promise I will explain everything when I get back but something is happening and it's now or never and if I don't go I'll wonder what if for the rest of my life. It's been hard enough the last 8 years and you know that. I need this Pol. I'm sorry for putting you in this position but I know you'll understand and you'll help me because you love me…. Please?"

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? This is supercunt we're talking about Piper. And Larry? Are you really going to throw everything away for her?"

Piper had already considered her marriage and she decided to worry about the aftermath later. "Pol all I know is that if I don't do this I'll never get over it. I have to go. It's just a couple days at most. Alex doesn't even know I'm coming. Please Polly." Piper's voice cracked as she started to feel tears forming in her eyes.

Polly was silent for a moment before she spoke "I'll tell Larry it's a PoPi emergency. Pete is on a business trip so he won't know that you're not really here."

Piper smiled hugely "Thank you thank you thank you Pol! I will make it up to you"

"Yes you will. Be safe Piper. Call me if you need me. Day or night."

"I will. Thanks again Pol. I love you."

"I love you too you stupid lesbian. Be safe. Bye." Polly hung up and sighed running her hands through her hair. "I'm getting too old for this shit."

* * *

It was a 20 minute drive from the cabin to the nearest gas station. "Here's a twenty. Go wild" Nicky grinned. Alex rolled her eyes and took the bill before exiting the car. "You comin?" Alex asked before she shut the door. "Yeah one sec. I finally have a signal. I need to call Lorna. Don't say a word" Nicky warned. Alex just laughed and walked inside.

Nicky spoke as soon as she heard Lorna pick up "Hey hot stuff."

A hesitant Lorna answered "Hey, when are you coming home?"

Nicky tilted her head immediately picking up on the worried tone of Lorna's voice. "I plan on leaving soon. What's wrong?"

"Don't be mad"

Nicky rolled her eyes. Don't be mad always meant she'd be mad. "Morello, what is it?"

Lorna took a deep breath and exhaled everything "This blonde came asking for you. She was in Donna's SUV. She's the one you know, that girl Donna mentions. She was so desperate to see her. I couldn't-"

"What did you do Lorna?" Nicky's voice was unusually serious and it scared the brunette. "I…I gave her the address to the cabin."

Nicky threw her head into the seat's headrest and let out a frustrated huff of air. "I'm not mad at you. You didn't know any better but I really have to go now and try to clean up this mess." She hung up quickly ignoring the pleading on the other end of the line.

Nicky quickly pulled out her computer to begin tracing the GPS on Alex's SUV. _Shit_. Piper was already near the cabin. She went into the gas station and found Alex paying for a bottle of cheap bourbon. "We have to go. _Now_." Nicky turned and went to the car without further explanation.

Recognizing the look on the shorter woman's face, Alex was now close at her heels. "What's wrong?"

Before Nicky could speak a crack of thunder broke through the sky. Black clouds were rolling in. _Fucking perfect. _"Piper. She's on her way."

Alex's eyes widened and she almost dropped the bag in her hand. "How?"

"She took your car and found Lorna who didn't know what the fuck she was doing when she gave her the address."

Halfway to the cabin Nicky's phone began ringing. She answered without checking the caller id.

"Nichols"

Alex watched as Nicky immediately stiffened. She mouthed 'what' but was ignored.

"When"

"How far out?"

Nicky ended the call and tightened her grip on the wheel and pressed on the gas pedal more. Alex was getting uncomfortable with the extremely serious state of the woman behind the wheel "You want to tell me what's going on?" Nicky didn't say anything which only increased Alex's worry. "Nichols if you don't tell me what the fuck is going-"

"Facial recognition software flagged Kubra at O'Hare this morning. They didn't catch it in time." The chill shot through Alex's bones. "We think he's kept an eye on Bloom and that's how he found you. He knows where you are and if his people found your identity they found your car. Which means they can track the GPS and know your car has been coming here every day for the last week. Your car is on the move here again and they know where it's headed. His alias was flagged at a rental car company. GPS puts him in the area. There's ground support and an air unit on the way."

"Call her!" Alex shouted.

"I'm trying. This storm is making the shitty reception worse." Nicky tossed the phone to Alex. "Keep trying."

* * *

The wind was blowing the rain so hard Piper could barely see the road in front of her. The navigation didn't seem to be working and the winding roads and thick trees weren't helping the situation. She caught a flash of lightning to her left and narrowly avoided the tree branch that fell. She kept driving and didn't spot the cabin. Eventually the trees cleared out and Piper found herself in a small town. _Shit. Fucking shitty navigation. _Piper stopped in front of a small post office and went in to ask directions. She pulled on the door finding it locked and a small 'out for lunch' sign taped to the inside glass. Piper ran back to the car and tried calling Nicky again.

* * *

"Look out!" Alex yelled and braced herself for an impact. The car skidded and crashed into the tree limb blocking the road.

"FUCK! You alright?" Alex nodded. "Stay put." Nicky exited the car to inspect the damage. The front bumper was barely hanging on but other than that the car was in good shape. She kicked the dangling fiberglass off and got back in the car. Completely soaked from the rain. Nicky started the car just as her phone began ringing.

"Piper?" Alex asked breathlessly as she answered the phone on the first ring. Her heart pounding rapidly in her chest.

"Alex?"

"Piper where are you?" Alex put the phone on speaker.

"Alex" Piper smiled so happy to hear her voice. It sounded different on the phone and Piper was realizing how much she'd missed the sound. "I'm here. Well I'm trying to get to you. I'm having trouble finding the cabin in this storm. I ended up in some small town-"

"Where in the town Piper?"

"I just stopped in front of this little post office. I was going to ask for directions-"

"Stay put. We're on our way."

"Okay. I- I'm in your SUV."

Despite all of the fear Alex smiled hearing the guilty voice on the line. Piper had tracked her down, stolen her car, and risked everything to see her. "Pipes I don't care about that. Well, not the way you think." Alex smirked "You stole a car to get to me."

Piper laughed and relaxed some. "Try not to sound so smug about it. I'm guessing Lorna told Nicky?"

"Yeah. Piper-"

"Alex I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-"

"Piper stop. It's not important right now."

"Are you close?"

"We're turning onto Main Street now."

"I see you" Piper said excitedly "Well, the car."

Alex chuckled "I'm hanging up now. See ya in a minute kid."

"Bye" Piper's smile grew as Nicky's car got closer. Only a few blocks away.

The storm raged on. Pounding rain and rumbling thunder vibrated through the car. The storm had made the small town seem even more like a ghost town. As if just to be wickedly cruel Nicky actually stopped at the 4 way stop. Just across from Piper. Alex couldn't see her face but felt Piper smiling just as she was. She focused on the driver's side of the window hoping to spot a flash of her megawatt smile when her view was obstructed by a black sedan.

Time froze as three shots rang out over the thunder and the car sped away. Alex's blood was fire in her veins. The dread and agony engulfing her. She tried to yell but fear swallowed her voice. Her legs were heavy as she ran to the car. Her eyes focused on the 3 bullet holes in the windshield. "No..." Alex's voice was foreign to her own ears. As she got closer she saw blood splatter on the glass. "NO!" It came out more forceful as if she could will this to not be real. Alex pulled open the door. Piper's lifeless bloody body folded into her and Alex fell to the pavement, holding Piper in her arms. "No! No! Oh God! Piper. Pipes. Please." Alex was rocking back and forth and wiped the blood from Piper's face. Her anguished screams rising above the thunder in the sky. "Pipes please, please stay with me." Alex pressed her forehead to Piper's and continued rocking. "Please. I love you. Please Pipes." Piper's eyes remained closed and her body lifeless. Alex's primal scream shook Nicky to her core. The devastation and agony of Alex's cries were something she'd hear for the rest of her life. She could only stand and watch helplessly as the rain washed away the blood.

* * *

A/N: Don't hate me. Thanks for the reviews and favs/follows. Hopefully they don't stop now. Some review shout outs below.

Anna: First review thank you :) You should expect an update everyday.

: I hope you're still enjoying

LOVEEEEE Guest: I hope you still loveeeee the storyy

FFChik: Thanks

Mielsita: Hope it was rough in the good sense. Thanks for the compliment :)

Guest 99: Thank you. I can't wait for S3 to learn more about canon back story for Alex.

Cajole: I hope you stick around and like where things go. Title is also 100% from Florence &amp; the machine. I was listening to her a ton while writing this. Just happens to be one of their songs and a book title and kinda fitting for both of them never letting go.

Sue: Thank you!

Sway594: Thank you! Hope you're still wrapped up in it.

toesareoverrated: Thank you very much. Donna was a completely unoriginal name choice pulling from That 70s Show. Red hair. I couldn't think of anything else. Tested a few other names and didn't like them.

Guest shocked by another guest: Thanks for understanding :)

Guest1: I definitely won't be writing any Stella stories. Vauseman is endgame (maybe not in this particular fic but for the show)

Guest who likes Alex looking like Donna: I'm glad you enjoy it. She needed to not look like Alex and while Laura has been blonde for a long time I don't think Alex would do it. It'd remind her of Piper too much.

Guest who likes Grimm: Thank you! I'm so glad someone likes Grimm. I didn't go into too much detail but I wanted Alex to have someone she could really open up with. Obviously she's kept things from Nicky. Grimm seemed like a realistic way to get Alex out in the world again and also was someone she could open up to. Yes I consider Grimm a who not a what.

Poor babes guest: Thank you. Thank you. :)


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: One reviewer asked me to make a note here if it was safe to keep reading. I'm not going to spoil it. Free fall with everyone else :)  
_

* * *

Alex didn't hear the helicopter land feet away in the middle of Main Street. She didn't feel the cold rain or the hot tears on her cheeks. There was only Piper's bloody lifeless body and the swirling darkness surrounding her. It was Nicky's arms that pulled her back to reality. "Vause, come on. You gotta let them take her."

Alex looked up to find a handful of US Marshals some with medical equipment looking at her with shared apologetic faces. They pulled Piper to a stretcher board and Alex kept hold of Piper's hand until they eventually pulled her away. The helicopter lifted and once it was out of sight Alex turned to Nicky. The grief previously etched on her face no longer visible. She looked like a hurricane, ready to destroy anything in her path. The fury in her eyes demanding release swept Nicky back like ferocious waves crashing down. Raw and primal in their force. Both hands gripped Nicky by the collar "Where is he!"

Nicky gently removed Alex's grip "Vause, we'll get him. The ground unit is closing in on him now."

"You know Kubra isn't stupid enough to still be in that car. Give me your keys."

"Vause, don't do anything stu-"

"Fuck you! I should have never left and now Piper's-" Alex's voice caught before her rage surged again. "I'm done running. I'm fucking done!" Alex shoved Nicky backwards and headed for the car.

Nicky ran in pursuit. "Vause wait. You're not doing this alone. I'll drive."

Alex stiffened before quickly turning around and punching Nicky in the face with all of her might knocking the shorter woman out instantly. Alex bent down to get the pistol she knew Nicky kept at her ankle. "Sorry Nichols. I'm not losing anyone else today."

* * *

The storm was beginning to let up as Alex raced to the nearby farm. It was the only place close with a landing strip. Home to a local crop duster but Alex knew Kubra would have planned a quick escape and this was adequate for a private plane.

Lightning brightened the dark sky and Alex spotted the private plane being loaded. She reached under her seat grabbing the case containing a larger handgun. After ensuring both guns were loaded and ready to fire Alex put the car in drive and floored the gas pedal. The car surged forward only to immediately swerve recklessly to the right. Two cars raced past her and one came to an abrupt stop in front of her.

A pissed off Nicky sporting a swollen eye approached the driver's side door and opened it. "I can't let you do this Vause."

Alex grabbed both guns and exited the car shoving Nicky back with her shoulder. "I'm done Nicky. I want out. Let me do this." Alex's strides were determined but her voice waivered. Nicky kept pace with Alex "I haven't spent the last seven years looking out for you and being your best friend for you to throw it all away now. Fuck you Vause. You don't get to do that to me."

"He… Piper…" Alex's voice gave and Nicky took the moment to grab Alex's wrist stopping her. "I'm sorry Vause. I can't let you do it." As Nicky spoke she fastened one end of her handcuffs to the taller woman. The other end cuffed to her own wrist. Alex's eyes widened and flooded with tears. "Nicky" she pleaded. "Please." Her voice broke in half.

Alex dropped to her knees staring blankly into the distance. Her heart constricted until she could feel it break. She could still feel Piper's lifeless body in her arms. She could still hear the gunshots. Each one shattering her heart into pieces. She knew there was no hope. There was only nothing. Alex Vause had reached her limit. "I'm done."

Not fully understanding the meaning of the words, Nicky kicked the gun away and bent down to hug Alex removing the smaller gun at her back in the process. Nicky held Alex and watched as the Marshals surrounded the plane.

* * *

Alex's forehead was pressed against the car window, her eyes pointed towards the scenery passing by but they were unfocused. "We're here Vause" Nicky spoke softly afraid to spook Alex from wherever her mind had wondered. Alex blinked a few times and saw they were in front of a hospital. Terrified hope coursed through Alex and Nicky quickly continued. "She's in surgery. It's not good. We can't stay long. They're prepping your new identity now." Alex didn't respond, she opened the door trying to get out only to see that she was still cuffed to Nicky. "Jesus Nichols!"

"You're not getting out of my sight. Sorry." The two made their way inside and up to the waiting area outside of the ICU.

"Has anyone called her family?" Alex suddenly asked breaking the long silence. Nicky nodded. "The service is picking up her husband up now." Alex nodded. Her face remaining blank.

"Inspector Nichols?" A doctor announced in the small waiting area. Alex jumped to her feet pulling Nicky with her. "Is…is she okay?" Alex asked in a small voice.

"We were able to repair the damage to Mrs. Bloom's heart but she lost a lot of blood. Her heart still could give out. Her head wound while mostly superficial did cause bleeding and swelling. We won't know the extent of the damage until she wakes up-"

"But she will wake up?" Alex's quiet hopeful voice interrupted.

"Her body's been through an enormous amount of trauma. We've done all we can. We just have to wait and hope for the best."

"Can I see her?"

The doctor looked between the two and spoke to Nicky. "She's resting but I'll allow it for a few minutes."

Alex stood frozen outside of the room. Nicky took the handcuffs off grabbing the taller woman's attention. "They're going back on as soon as you walk out of that room." Alex nodded appreciatively and took a tentative step inside.

Alex exhaled a shaky breath. Piper was pale and hooked to so many machines. She took Piper's hand in hers and feeling Piper's lifeless digits in her hand brought it all back. Alex doubled over kissing that hand. Whispering I love you. Come back to me. Don't leave me.

An hour later Nicky came into the room. Alex was sitting with her head resting on the bed. Piper's hand held close to her lips. "We have to go Alex." Nicky said as she gently rested a hand on Alex's shoulder.

"She hasn't woken up yet."

Nicky nodded understanding. "I know, we just need to get out of the hospital for a while. Larry just got here."

"Who? Oh" The tears formed in Alex's eyes again. Piper wasn't hers. Piper hadn't been hers for almost a decade and because of her Piper was barely clinging to life. Alex hesitated and then eventually placed a soft kiss to Piper's lips. Lips she'd not kissed since Paris. Her hand cupped the blonde's face as she continued placing soft kisses to Piper's lips. It killed her that they didn't kiss her back and those blue eyes didn't open when she opened hers. She whispered I love you before standing up and walking away. Not letting herself look back.

* * *

Larry sat beside Piper's hospital bed holding her hand. It didn't make sense. Who would do this? How did Piper end up involved and why were the Marshals being so vague about the whole thing?

Larry had been at his cubical when two men from the US Marshals service arrived.

_"Mr. Bloom?"_

_"Yeah?" _

_One of the men flashed is badge and identification. "I'm inspector Bennett. This is my partner inspector Caputo. We're with the United States Marshals service."_

_"Wha? What can I help you gentlemen with?" Larry couldn't help hoping this would be a break he needed for a story to show what he could do._

_"Sir I'm sorry to inform you that there was an incident today with a wanted fugitive. Your wife was seriously injured. If you'll come with us we'll take you to the hospital."_

_Larry's mouth went dry. It didn't make sense. "Piper?" The two men nodded. Larry picked up a photo from his desk and showed it to them. "Piper?" _

_"Yes sir. We should really be going."_

He'd only been sitting with Piper for 10 minutes when the machines in the room started alarming and the once steady beeping of her heart changed to a constant tone marking the last beat of her heart. Nursed and doctors rushed in shouting and Larry was pushed from the room before his mind could comprehend what was happening. He stood helpless watching the chaos in the room through the glass door. Seconds later her bed was being pushed through the door with more accompanying shouting. A nurse held him in place as they pushed her down the hall disappearing into another room.

He couldn't remember what the doctor had told him. There had been so many terms he'd never heard before. All he knew was that Piper wasn't breathing and instead of saying she'd be fine he kept talking about making her comfortable and contacting family. With trembling fingers Larry dialed the only person who would know what to do.

Polly saw the name flash on her phone and froze. She wasn't expecting a checkup from Larry. Piper hadn't really gone into details on what her plan to tell her husband had been. The call disappeared and she sighed with relief. Before the exhaled breath could be fully expelled the ringing started again. Taking a deep breath Polly closed her eyes and answered "Hey Larry…"

"Polly…" _Shit_. She could tell he was crying. "Piper…she's not breathing."

Polly felt the world stop turning.

* * *

Nicky and Alex sat at a diner a few blocks from the hospital. They had sat in silence for hours. Alex didn't move. There was a vacant look on her face and the few attempts Nicky had made to get her attention went unnoticed. Nicky had stepped out a few times to make phone calls. When she returned the third time Alex was still staring at Piper's blood on her shirt. When she sat down Alex spoke, her voice so distant Nicky barely recognized the sound "I want out."

Nicky nodded before speaking "I get. I do Vause but if Kubra finds out that wasn't you and that you're not dead he'll make sure the job gets finished. How are you going to protect her or even know he's coming without the Marshals?"

Alex broke out of her trance on the bloodstained shirt to lock eyes with the shorter woman. "I'm not leaving her. She came to me. Don't you get that?"

"I do. You've been imagining it for what 8 years? And seconds before it comes true Kubra took it all away. Look Alex… I can't cover this. Piper might have to go into the program too. She might bring her husband in. They'll wait until she's released to sort the details out and until then she'll be under their watch. I'm not even sure if she asked you'd be allowed in together."

Nicky looked over Alex who was deep in thought before adding "At least promise me you won't make a decision on this right now. You don't even know if she will wake-"

"Don't say it. She's going to be fine."

"Vause…"

"Don't." Alex's eyes pierced through Nicky as she struggled to keep everything in. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the table. "Don't you dare say it." Piper living is the _only_ thing Alex has. Eventually Alex can't take it. She's crumbling from within and can't find anything to hold onto. It's like she's losing her mother and Piper all over again and the last 8 years have all been for nothing. She bolts from the booth and locks herself in the bathroom. Struggles to remain upright as her vision blurs and she gasps for breath.

"I'm _not_ doing that." Nicky's tone laced with repulsion of the request on the other end of the line.

"You know it has to be done Nichols. 30 minutes. That's all the time we can spare."

The line went dead before Nicky could refuse again. She ran her hands through her hair. _Fucking fuck._

* * *

Nicky took a heavy breath before knocking on the bathroom door "Vause? We have to go back to the hospital." The door flew open and Alex brushed past Nicky refusing to look at her but her shaky voice managed to ask "Don't tell me anything until we get there." Because Alex knew she wouldn't be able to take another step if something was wrong and the only thing keeping her going was seeing Piper again.

The Marshals had moved Larry to a private room under the guise of gathering more information for their investigation. Nicky was steps from the entryway to Piper's hospital room when she realized Alex wasn't with her. Turning her head she found Alex frozen. Panic filled eyes brightened by tears staring at the room ahead. "Vause?" Nicky asked softly.

"Why are we here?" Alex strained to voice her fears.

_This is the only way._ Nicky tried to remain calm knowing these next words would destroy the person she'd grown to love over the last seven years. "There were complications. Piper has instructions in case she ever ended up on life support." Nicky paused seeing Alex tense further. She pressed on. "She doesn't want to be kept like that. After her family arrives and has time to say goodbye-" Alex clutched her chest and gasped for breath. "Her husband has signed papers to take her off life support." Nicky rushed to Alex catching her as she fell to her knees struggling to breathe as tears streamed down her face. "The Marshals are running interference. We don't have a lot of time Alex. I know you don't want to go in there but this is your only chance to say goodbye."

Alex stilled at the word. _Goodbye. How can I possibly say goodbye?_ She took in a breath gathering what strength she had to stand and made her way slowly to Piper's room. Alex kept her eyes on the floor. Taking it one step at a time. Focusing on keeping her wobbly legs from buckling under her. Her lip began quivering at her first sight of the blonde. More machines were hooked to her than before. A ventilator steadily rising and falling. The tube from the machine secured between her lips. Alex took Piper's hand in hers and brought it to her lips. "Hey kid." Alex shook her head and wiped at the tears dripping from her cheeks. This was all wrong. "I can't Pipes. I'm supposed to say bye to you and I fucking can't. You came back to me." Alex leaned over brushing the hair back from the blonde's face tucking it behind her ear. She pulled Piper's hand to her cheek and placed her head inches from the blonde's "Come back to me again. I- I can't you lose again." Alex kissed the lifeless digits that she'd been holding against her cheek. "Please Pipes"

"Vause I'm sorry we have to go. The Chapmans just arrived."

Alex closed her eyes wishing for one more minute. One more kiss. One more look into those blue eyes. One more smile. One more whisper of the blonde's voice in her ear. "I could never leave you kid. I'm not about to start now. You've been with me every day, even when I wanted to forget you. I'm not saying goodbye." She shook her head with conviction. "I love you."

Nicky came into the room and placed her hands gently at Alex's back. "Vause I'm so sorry but we have to go now." Alex placed a kiss to Piper's forehead and ran a shaky hand through the blonde locks once more before finally allowing Nicky to guide her away. She nearly collapsed as she took the first step away from Piper's bed. Nicky slipped the taller woman's arm over her shoulder and supported her as they made their way to the elevator.

Alex was gripping the railing in the elevator. Using every ounce of control she had left to squeeze as hard as she could causing her knuckles to whiten. Inside she was screaming. She was ripping the railing off the wall. She was pounding her fists into the walls closing in. The elevator stopped and the doors opened with a ding piercing the rage storming within her. Nicky started to guide Alex out but the taller woman stopped her. Entering the elevator were Bill and Carole Chapman. Alex had never met them. They didn't know she existed. Alex watched as they entered and studied them. Cursing them for not deserving Piper's love. For making Piper doubt herself and afraid to pursue her own happiness.

Bill's eyes were red and he was taking in shaky breaths. Carole was stoic. Her face blank of emotion and eyes straight ahead. One hand held her husband's. She seemed fine and Alex cursed her in her head until the temptation was too much. When she opened her mouth to speak she saw Carol's other hand trembling as it rested on her purse. The elevator dinged again and the Chapmans exited heading towards Piper's room at the end of the hall. Feeling Nicky's eyes on her Alex spoke "Those were Piper's parents. They don't know I exist. I just wanted-"

Nicky interrupted "It's alright. I understand."

* * *

Recognizing the car was not headed towards the cabin outside of town Alex spoke "Where are we going?" Her voice was hallow and it caused Nicky to flinch. She was worried about so many things but most of all she worried for Alex, shock was the only thing keeping her from coming completely unhinged. Nicky knew this was the right thing. She was prepared to do whatever it took to keep Alex safe even if Alex never forgave her for it.

"Kubra thinks you were in that car. The Marshals cleared the safe house. We have a new location prepped until we're ready to relocate you. Grimm is already there safe and sound."

Alex ran shaky fingers through her hair. "I can't do this Nicky. I… I can't start again."

"Well you don't have a fucking choice. I'll be dammed if I spent the last 7 years of my life kicking your ass to let you give up now." Seeing her words have no effect on the taller woman she added "Don't let Piper's death be in vain. Live Alex. What would she want?"

"Don't do that. Don't act like you know what she wanted. You didn't know her." Alex trembled realizing the past tense use of the word. The car came to a stop outside of a small 2 story home. "You're right. I didn't know her. Let's go inside and talk. Tell me about her. Tell me everything."

Grimm excitedly greeted his person. Spinning in circles while whining happily. It was such stark contrast to the state Alex had been in the last several hours. She halfheartedly greeted him and the canine quickly settled down. Alex sat on the couch while Nicky went into the kitchen to grab their drinks. When she returned to the living room she found Alex with her head buried in Grimm's neck as she softly cried. Recognizing Alex was too drained to go down memory lane she helped Alex up and led her to the bedroom to rest, promising they would speak in the morning.

Alex woke and felt Grimm's body next to her legs. His head laying on her ankle. She still felt like she was in shock. Yesterday's reality still felt like a horrible dream and she just had to wake up. Grimm's ears turned back towards her sensing she was awake. He quickly bolted from the bed and came to her side licking her face and making excited noises before stretching and wagging his tail. Normally they would get up and go for a run. Alex didn't even have the energy to smile. She knew she needed to let him out and feed him so she forced herself to get up.

As she made her way into the unfamiliar kitchen she started searching for Grimm's food bowls. Nicky entered the front door with 2 large grocery bags. "Did anyone grab Grimm's stuff?"

Nicky smiled seeing that Alex was up and moving "I couldn't find anything that's why I went out this morning. I don't think the big guy's eaten since breakfast yesterday. I got him some stuff, it's in the car. Take these. I'll go get it." Alex took the bags and cursed herself for neglecting her faithful companion. She bent down to kiss his head "I'm sorry buddy. I'll feed you in just a minute okay."

After breakfast Nicky gave Alex details on her new identity. She'd been through the process before but never had to deal with one of her identities dying. Everything was to be sold. Signing the papers to effectively kill Donna Potts and sell her bookstore added a finality to Piper's death she didn't know how to deal with. "When do I leave?"

"Tomorrow." Nicky answered as she organized the paperwork in front of her.

"So soon?" Alex's voice was noticeably higher.

"We're driving. I would book a flight but I didn't think you would want to put Grimm in cargo."

Alex nodded agreeing that she didn't want to fly with Grimm. "What about…" Alex sighed. _I need to be at Piper's funeral_ she wanted to say but couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. "Can we go to Connecticut?"

"Connecticut?" Nicky's jaw clenched once she realized what Alex was asking and spoke gently "You know you can't attend the funeral. I already checked into you being able to visit once things settle." A heavy sigh left Nicky's lips. "Piper…" _like a band aid_ "Piper is being cremated."

Alex closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling. She knew that is what Piper would have wanted but it didn't make it hurt any less.

* * *

11 days after the shooting Piper woke up. Larry was asleep in a chair next to the bed. Piper tried to sit up but felt pain shooting through her body when she moved. She looked down and saw the bandages over her chest and shoulder. She felt the bandage on her head and looked at the various wires connected to her body. She couldn't remember what happened. The last thing she remembered was Alex's voice on the phone. The car stopped just in front of her and as the wipers cleared the windshield she was given a flash of Alex's smile. _Alex_. If she was here in the hospital where was Alex? Piper tried to yell as the panic started to spread within her but her throat was dry and her voice only made a small squeaking noise.

Piper began struggling with the wires and ignored the pain as she tried to move. The machines started beeping rapidly, their alarms filling the room. Nurses and doctors rushed into the room. The commotion roused Larry from his sleep. "Piper? Piper! Sweetie" Larry rushed to her bedside as the doctors tried to calm Piper down. "Mrs. Bloom you need to calm down. You've been through major surgery. I'll explain everything to you but if you don't calm down we'll need to sedate you to prevent further injury."

"Piper, sweetie, just breathe. You're safe." She felt Larry's hand gently rubbing her leg and locked eyes with her husband. He looked exhausted. Heavy bags under his eyes, he looked like he hadn't showered or shaved in days. _Days_. This realization caused Piper to cease her movements.

She looked over Larry's expression. He didn't seem like he knew she had left to see Alex. He seemed relieved and looked at her with such love and devotion. "What happened?" Piper's voice cracked as she spoke.

"Don't get worked up sweetie. Let the doctors help you." Larry spoke softly and gave a reassuring smile as he rubbed her leg.

"Larry" Piper gritted out "What. Happened? Why am I in the hospital?"

Larry furrowed his brows "You don't remember? I don't know all of the details… there are federal agents here Piper. A fugitive shot you. I- I don't know how or why. You really don't remember anything?"

"Mr. Bloom please. We need to get her vitals stabilized." The doctor gestured for a nurse to lead Larry out of the room. "I'll be right outside Pipes" Larry called as he was escorted from the room.

_A fugitive? US Marshals. Oh god Alex!_ The doctor spoke up once Larry was out of the room "Mrs. Bloom" Piper could feel the panic setting in. Her vision blurred at the edges. Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears. "Mrs. Bloom? Can you hear me?" Piper finally nodded. "Focus on my voice. Breathe in and slowly exhale." After a few deep breaths Piper finally calmed some.

"Welcome back Mrs. Bloom. You gave us quite the scare. There are some US Marshals just outside of the room that will help you sort out the details of what happened. I can tell you why you're here. Are you ready for that?" Piper nodded. "Good. You arrived via helicopter 11 days ago. You had suffered 3 gunshot wounds. There was a clean shot through your shoulder." The doctor's hand hovered over her bandaged shoulder. "A superficial gunshot wound to your head that caused moderate swelling and bleeding." He studied her pupils before continuing. "You may continue to experience trouble with short term memory until you've recovered. You were also shot in the chest. This bullet caused some damage to your heart." He gently grasped her hand squeezing softly before continuing. "After your initial surgery you were stable and then there were more complications caused by a fragment of the bullet that damaged your heart. You were unable to breathe on your own. You were on life support for 2 days. We were able to repair the damage and so far…" The doctor paused letting the steady beeping fill the room before a small smile crept across his lips. "Your heart seems to be functioning well. Don't work it too hard though. I'm going to give you a few minutes with your husband and then you need to rest." Piper nodded once more and thanked the doctor.

Larry entered the room and quickly bent over Piper's bed gently leaning over her as he pressed his lips to hers. "I've been so worried Pipes. I don't know what I would have done if-" Larry's voice broke and Piper felt his tears land on her cheek. Piper could feel her own tears forming but she wasn't sure if they were from guilt or fear. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "11 days?"

Larry nodded and ran a hand through her blonde locks pushing them behind her ear. "Longest 11 days of my life Pipes." Piper couldn't stop the tears from falling. _Where is Alex?_ "Shh sweetie don't cry. Everything's going to be okay." Larry wiped the tears from Piper's cheeks and kissed her on the forehead. The doctor returned and told Larry he needed to leave so Piper could rest. Larry smiled wide as he told Piper he'd be back first thing in the morning and that he loved her. Piper nodded and repeated the words. The emptiness she felt saying them formed into a weight of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

The doctor looked over her chart one last time and told Piper to get some rest. Piper couldn't sleep without knowing what happened to Alex. "Doctor?" Piper caught him before he left the room. "Yes Mrs. Bloom?" Speaking was becoming more difficult as the soreness of her throat was getting worse. Each word seemed to burn more. "Are the… I need… to speak with the Marshals." The doctor sighed "Mrs. Bloom you really should rest."

Piper tried to sit up and the doctor stepped closer and helped her lay back down "I know you must have a lot of questions, but you really need to rest. Whatever they have to tell you can wait until the morning. I don't want you to get upset any more than you already have been tonight."

Piper shook her head and tried sitting up again "But you don't understand! I need-" The doctor interrupted and called out for a nurse. The room once again filled with the sounds of the machines alarming and beeping rapidly. Piper struggled against the doctor as he tried to get her to lay back down "I need to find Al-" The nurse went to her IV bag with a needle "No! Please! Please I need to speak with…"

"Shh Mrs. Bloom. Rest." The doctor's voice was soft and slow. Piper felt her eyes getting heavy and the room started to blur. She shook her head and tried to clear it away. "Alex… Al…" Everything went black.

* * *

When Piper woke back up Polly was sitting next to her staring at her phone. "Polly?" Wide brown eyes met Piper's "Oh my god! Piper!" Polly stood and hugged Piper's prone body careful not to harm the blonde. She informed Piper that Larry had just left with her parents to grab lunch across the street. She reached for her phone and said she'd text Larry that she was awake. "No!" Polly was startled by Piper's reaction causing the blonde to tone it down some "I mean… don't. He should eat a good lunch." Polly studied Piper's expression and caught the panicked look in Piper's eyes. "Alright Pipe, spill it. Calmly. I can't have you getting worked up again."

Piper shook her head and tried to steady her breathing "I don't know what you're talk-" Polly cut her off. "Save it. I haven't said anything but I swear I was this close to letting those US Marshals have it. This has supercunt's stench all over it."

Piper was taken aback. "What do you mean? Alex has nothing to do with-"

Polly cut Piper off again "Piper don't even try it. You're not even shocked I mentioned her. Larry told me that a fugitive of the US Marshals shot you. Who else could it be? I swear if she-"

"Polly!" A vain in Piper's neck bulged as her temper rose. "Alex would never… I need to speak to the US Marshals." Polly shook her head "You need to rest Piper. We almost lost you." Tears began falling from Polly's eyes and Piper could see the grief she'd put her friend through.

"Pol I can't even think about resting and being calm until I speak with them."

Polly exhaled "Larry's going to kill me… he won't want to be away from you long. You've got maybe 30 minutes." Piper smiled and thanked her profusely.

Inspectors Caputo and Bennett entered the hospital room and introduced themselves. Bennett then excused himself to guard the door due to the extremely confidential nature of the discussion they were about to have. "Mrs. Bloom I've been informed that you were aware of Ms Potts'-"

"Alex" Piper interrupted.

Joe Caputo nodded "Yes. As you are aware, Kubra Balik has evaded our custody until the incident 11 days ago." Piper's eyes widened "You have him in custody?" Joe nodded and continued, his face becoming slightly softer "I'm sorry to have to tell you this" Piper's body tensed "Ms Vause was fatally shot when she went to your aide." Piper sucked in a breath of air as she felt her heart shatter. Inspector Caputo was still speaking but Piper couldn't focus on the words. She kept replaying the last moment she'd seen Alex in her head and her heart broke even more. "N-n-no… Alex…" Piper kept mouthing Alex's name but only sobs escaped.

The machines hooked to her started alarming and she could see Inspector Bennett keeping the doctors from entering the room. Caputo had his hands on her shoulders and Piper tried to focus on his voice "Mrs. Boom. Mrs. Bloom." Once he noticed Piper had calmed down and was focusing on him he continued "Kubra Bali doesn't know you were in Ms Vause's car. She was with Inspector Nichols. Their men think she was one of our officers. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Piper was still struggling to breathe, the ache in her chest was becoming unbearable. She shook her head.

"Kubra has no idea you were involved. The best way to keep you safe is to pretend this never happened. If Kubra thinks you're a threat to him he'll have his men hunt you down. With his previous charges and now the murder of Ms Vause he'll never see the light of day. There's no need for you to testify and enter witness protection. I've read her file. Ms Vause went through great pains to keep you safe from the cartel. She wouldn't want this life for you."

Piper closed her eyes as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. Clenching her jaw tightly shut she nodded her head agreeing. Joe Caputo nodded his head and exhaled a long breath "Great. I'll explain the situation to your husband-"

"No! He… He doesn't know anything about…" Piper trailed off unable to say Alex's name aloud. Caputo nodded "We'll inform him that the attack was at random. Wrong place. Wrong time. We'll explain his far reach and why it's best to keep you out of it. Our people will remain here has a precaution until you're released. At that time we'll have a more formal debriefing with you." Piper nodded. It was all too much to process at once and instantly she felt the pit in her stomach get heavier.

Piper was sobbing again and her body was shaking as she gulped in deep breaths between sobs. She didn't see Polly enter the room. "Oh Pipe" The brown haired woman rushed to Piper's side and held her. Polly was the only person who knew about Alex and Piper found herself crying harder and clinging to her friend. Fingers digging into Polly's shoulders. Between sobs Piper managed to string together a simple sentence but saying it tore the blonde in two "Alex was killed."

* * *

It was another 2 weeks before Piper was released from the hospital. When Larry pulled onto their street Piper felt a wave of emotions within her. She couldn't stop the tears that spilled out. Larry assumed she was just emotional and happy to be home. He didn't notice that Piper's gaze was frozen on the house next door. The next day Piper was debriefed by the US Marshals. She signed several documents and tried to get through it as fast as possible. Larry was in a separate room getting a different version of the same debriefing and forms.

"What about her things?" Piper asked as Inspector Caputo placed the final paper in a folder. "The assets of the deceased, Ms Donna Potts, have been divided as indicated in her will. Any personal effects she may have had prior would have been disposed of when she entered the program." Piper nodded feeling a new wave of sadness. Alex was gone and she had nothing. It was like she never existed. "What about Grimm?" She asked as soon as the thought entered her mind. "The dog is with Inspector Nichols. I'm sorry Mrs. Bloom, as we've already explained you'll not be allowed to have any contact with anyone that could tie you back to the shooting or any events prior related to the cartel."

* * *

Piper spent the next week in a daze. Every time she looked at the house next door she felt the hole left by Alex growing deeper. The emptiness settling deeper in her bones. The ache swallowing her further until she was suffocating. She found herself sitting in the empty Green Light parking lot expecting Alex to come out at any moment. Piper was finding it increasingly difficult to be alone with Larry. He was glued to her. Afraid to let her out of his sight. He was really being the perfect loving husband. Doing everything he could to help Piper get better but the blonde couldn't stomach it. When he touched her she couldn't help the involuntary resentment that his hands weren't Alex's. Then the reality that she'd never feel Alex's arms around her again hit like a freight train and sent her tumbling into despair again.

A month had passed since Piper had been released from the hospital. Larry had grown more concerned for his wife and encouraged her to speak to someone that could help her. Help her deal with what she was going through. _The love of my life is dead! There's no way to make that better!_ Piper wanted to scream but let out a heavy sigh instead. She was tired of lying to Larry. He thought she'd been kidnapped and was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Piper was tired of the charade. She was tired of pretending her heart wasn't torn in two.

Concerned for his wife Larry did the only thing he could. He asked her best friend to come and convince Piper to get help. He wanted to see his wife smile again. He wanted the light back in her eyes. It was killing him that she was keeping a wall between them. She wouldn't open up about what had happened to her but he knew whatever it was weighed heavily on her. He had been patient. He encouraged her to open up but didn't force her into anything. He gave her space when she needed it. He had been told she was not raped but he was afraid that her captor must have done something because Piper had tensed at his touch. Larry didn't pressure Piper to be intimate. He thought if he tried more and gave her more time she'd start acting like Piper again. With each passing day the wall between them only grew larger. It didn't feel like she loved him anymore and that killed him. Polly was his last hope.

Polly had met Larry at the airport and he gave her a spare key to the house telling her he'd be home late so she and Piper could talk. "Text me or call me if you need more time or whatever." Larry looked to Polly with desperate eyes. Polly nodded and closed the cab door.

* * *

Piper had returned from her run which did nothing to clear her mind. She ran until her lungs burned and legs ached. The pain gave her temporary relief and then she saw garbage cans on the sidewalk. She was in the shower, music blaring, drowning out any thoughts she might be capable of. The hot water was cascading down soothing her sore muscles when she felt pinpricks of warmth run up her sides. Phantom touches ran back down her sides and then she felt Alex's arms around her. "STOP IT!" Piper turned, anger on her face as the tears began falling. The room was empty. The music stopped and before Piper could form a coherent thought Polly appeared.

Piper locked eyes with her best friend and lost it. She crumbled to the shower floor sobbing. Polly grabbed a towel and opened the glass door. She quickly turned off the water and wrapped the blonde up, helping her stand and led her to the bedroom. Polly held Piper tight "Let it all out Pipe. I'm here." Piper cried harder. Her body shook violently and her fingers dug in to the shoulders holding her up. She cried until her wet locks were almost dry. Polly finally broke the long silence and wiped away a stray tear from the blonde's eye. She looked at her friend and hated seeing the pain so visible on her face that was normally a burst of sunshine. She pushed a strand of hair behind the blonde's ear and saw Piper tense. "What is it?"

Piper's lip quivered slightly but she managed to keep the fresh tears at bay. "Alex used to do that" she motioned to her hair tucked behind her ear "Everything reminds me of her. I can't get away from her. I felt her arms around me in the shower." Seeing Polly's expression change to one of such concern Piper added "I'm not crazy. I know she wasn't in the shower I just… I felt her. It happened occasionally before. Little things here and there that would remind me of her for a split second and I could block it out but…" Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks and Piper took staggered breaths "Since she… since she… I can't escape her. She's everywhere."

Polly nodded her head understanding. She brushed Piper's cheek softly with her hand "She's everywhere because you haven't said goodbye. You aren't letting her go."

"I don't want to" Piper's voice broke and her face crumpled. Polly pulled the blonde into an embrace and rubbed her head "I know Piper but you can't keep going on like this. She wouldn't want this for you." Polly pulled away and cupped the blonde's face in her hands "Whenever you're ready. I'll go with you. I know I said some awful things about her in the past but I know you loved her. I know she loved you."

* * *

The newly fallen leaves crunched beneath Piper's hesitant steps. She'd asked Polly to stay in the car. She needed to do this alone. She had to do it alone because Alex had to do it when her mother died. She owned it to her. When she caught sight of the headstone she paused gathering her strength and tightened her grip on the small box in her hands before walking closer. Standing in front of the headstone Piper's fingers trembled on the small box. Her lips quivered and in a breath she buckled, falling to her knees. The box was carelessly discarded on the ground as Piper gripped the headstone, her forehead pressed against it as the tears fell. It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. Her gasping wails echoed around the gravestones. The pain that flowed from her was as palpable was the frigid fall wind. She was repeating Alex's name over and over between sobs when Polly made it to her having seen the blonde breakdown from the car.

Polly cradled the blonde and brushed the hair from her face. Piper took a staggered breath and reached to the headstone running her hand over the name. "No one's going to know."

Polly furrowed her brows not fully understanding the blonde's words. "That you loved her?"

Another gasping sob escaped Piper as she shook her head "This isn't Donna Potts. This is Alex Vause." Piper took another staggered breath and wiped the tears streaming down her face. "She asked me not to forget her. I'm the only one… I'm the only one that knows this is Alex… and how she liked her coffee, what her smile looked like when she was really happy, how her eyes looked in the morning light…" Piper picked up the box and carefully took the lid off. "Alex loved the beach." She reached a trembling hand in and pulled out a seashell "These are from Java. Our last adventure before everything…" her voice broke again.

"Do you remember what you told me when you ran off to Bali with her? She was your great perhaps."

Piper nodded and gave a small smile "She was the love of my life."

Polly sat with Piper for another hour listening to stories about Alex and their life together before returning to the car so Piper could say her goodbyes in private. Another hour passed before the tearful blonde made her way silently into the car.

* * *

Alex took a large gulp of her coffee and opened her book to the dog eared page she'd marked the night before. Grimm was asleep at her feet, bathing in the morning sun hitting the deck. Alex pulled a blanket over her legs and relaxed into the chaise. The ocean breeze was cool but after a brutally cold winter in Minnesota the spring air of North Carolina was one of few things that had managed to make her smile. Alex hadn't been on a beach in years. Before, the beach had been too painful a reminder of Piper. Now, the beach made her feel closer to the blonde. She could vividly imagine the blonde curled up next to her as they read. Piper would listen to Alex's voice and watch the waves roll in. Her hair would smell like the ocean and strawberries. _You have to stop doing this._ Nicky's words replayed in her mind. She knew it wasn't healthy but she didn't care. She'd spent too many years trying to erase memories of the blonde. She wanted Piper with her now. Kubra had just been sentenced to life in a maximum security prison. This was her new start. The cartel was still a threat but Kubra thought she was dead, he wasn't looking for her. For the first time it felt like he couldn't reach her.

* * *

Piper's feet thudded on the pavement below her. The cold morning air burned in her lungs but she didn't stop. Her iPod had died midway through her run and the burning in her lungs was the only distraction from her thoughts. _Spring my ass._ The snow was still piled along the walkway. Since moving back to New York Piper had thrown herself into work. She had been working over 70 hours a week all winter. The gray skies had only added to her depression so she busied herself with work. Now that spring had come Polly had demanded Piper take more time off. They both knew Piper was purposely exhausting herself to avoid obsessing about Alex. It was working mostly. The occasional customer would remind her of Alex and Piper would quickly excuse herself to the back office leaving whoever her co-worker at the time was to cover. Piper's thoughts went to the crunching noise at her feet. _It's not even icy. Where was this salt when I fell on my ass last week?_ Just like that Alex was back. Piper's thoughts went to that morning run almost 10 months ago when she saw the familiar salt shaker tattoo and fell into the garbage cans. Piper closed her eyes briefly and picked up her pace.

She couldn't stop the thoughts and started looking around for a distraction when she saw it. A spot of green poking through the gritty snow. A sign that spring was coming. A green beacon of hope and life. The color of Alex's eyes. Alex had always been her green light. Her fingers trembled as she dialed and took a shaky breath waiting for the ringing to stop.

A groggy voice answered. "Why are you awake? You're supposed to be relaxing."

"I'm at the park. I need you to pick me up."

The shakiness of her voice said all Polly needed to know. "I'll be right there."

The panic attacks had been regular in Aurora. She'd be looking absent mindedly next door when the curtains or door would open and for a split second she'd forget that someone else lived there now. When her brain registered it wasn't Alex. It would never be Alex. All of it flooded back in an instant and it was like she was waking up in that hospital bed finding out Alex had died all over again.

Larry hadn't been able to understand to no fault of his own. He had no idea what Piper was going through. He had been patient for months. Begged her to talk to him. Each time he tried to help her only caused Piper more guilt. Larry was a wonderful man and while she did love him she knew she didn't love him the way she should. Not the way he loved her. Not the way she loved Alex.

Larry had resisted at first but as he saw Piper go from extremes of deep depression to fits of rage over the smallest of things he knew he wasn't helping. With assurance from Polly that she'd take care of her, Larry reluctantly agreed to Piper's request for a divorce. He didn't know what had caused the change in Piper but he'd accepted that he couldn't make her happy and that's all he wanted for her.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for not killing me after the last chapter. This one is sort of unfinished. I ran out of time and didn't want to keep you waiting another day after all of the angry messages I got :) The next chapter will be the last one for this story. Expect it late tomorrow or the day after. Sorry for the wait. Thank you so much for all of the reviews, favs, and follows. shout outs below:

Guest crying at work: Sorry about that. If it makes you feel any better I've made the poor choice to read fic at work too and ended up crying (and blushing)

Sway594: Thank you for the kind words!

SopE1820: Thank you and I'm sorry for being so mean and letting you think I killed Piper.

Budda1127: Thank you so much!

French Guest: I consider it a compliment that you nearly cried. Thank you!

toesareoverrated: This meant a lot. Really thank you so much. I love when people notice those little things.

JustABagel: OHMYGOD! This made me laugh. I hope you are happy with the outcome.

Give me a spoiler guest: I hope you read anyway :)

In shock guest: Thank you for the kind words and noticing the little details.

Don't do this guest: I said _maybe_ not in this fic. I didn't want to spoil anything. I hope you're okay now.

Loveeee Guest: I accept your LOVEEE :)

TinyGuitarist: I'm sorry for killing you but thank you for the very kind words.

Elise: Thank you!

bluepaintbox: :D Thank you so much! Did this count as a miracle?

Guest who loves champan no bloom: Thanks for picking up on that. I kind of love it. I can totally see Piper having those moments in her head.

FFChik: Thank you so much for the kind words and noticing all of the things! :) It's hard to judge the angst when I'm writing it. I wasn't sure if it was something you could feel.

Guest Grimm: Thank you! You want the next chapter soon? How about now which is about 10 minutes after you reviewed.

All of the other guests that hate me. I hope you hate me less now?


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Sorry about the wait. More from me at the end._

* * *

Grimm dropped the Frisbee and ran, barking excitedly as he bounded over the sand dune out of Alex's sight. His pointy ears emerged over the top of the dune seconds later followed by a bushy wave of hair. Nicky was grinning from ear to ear as she jingled her keys in her hand "Want to take a drive?"

"Where are we going?" Alex mumbled as she fastened her seatbelt. "You'll see" was Nicky's only reply.

The car pulled to a stop in front of a hair salon and Alex's heart sank. She clenched her jaw as she spoke trying to keep her voice even "I was just getting used to Kate."

Nicky turned off the ignition and turned to the brown haired woman in front of her and smiled. Alex's stone face flashed with anger "What could possibly be amusing about this?"

Nicky couldn't help but grin wider. She'd been imagining this moment for years. "Kathryn Kane is great. If you want to keep being Kate, living on the beach and working at a book store you can."

"Then why are we here?"

"I thought you might like to go back to being Alex Vause." Alex's eyes went wide and brightened with unshed tears. "Kubra didn't last a week in max. Turns out a victim of his sick revenge was one of his bunk mates. Kubra had killed his wife and children then had him thrown in prison. He repaid Kubra's kindness. It wasn't quick. He suffered."

"He died a month ago?" Alex's voice was still shaky with shock.

Nicky nodded "We needed to make sure what was left of the cartel wasn't interested when we made a few waves on their radar."

Alex sat silent, her face still blank. "What are you waiting for? Take your life back." Alex met Nicky's gaze for a brief second and almost allowed herself to smile. "Either way, I have a plane ticket to New York for you. Time to go see your mom." At that Alex lost it. Her face instantly crumbled and tears brimmed over running down her cheeks. Nicky pulled her close, running soothing strokes over her back "It's finally over Vause."

* * *

Piper crouched to her knees and placed a seashell next to the headstone "I'm sorry I haven't been to visit in a while." She exhaled a heavy breath and nervously tucked a hair behind her ear. "I just… it's been hard to… I miss her so goddamn much." She raised a shaky hand to wipe the tears spilling down her cheeks. "I've been trying to keep moving. Keep myself busy. Make sure I don't think about her too much except I think about her all the time. I'm afraid if I stop I won't be able to… I just have to keep going." Piper sucked in a few shallow breaths as the constriction in her chest grew tighter. "I dreamt about her last night." Her lips quivered and she rolled off her knees to sit on the grass. "It was the stupidest thing. We were just sitting on the plane. I don't know where we were going but it shook and she squeezed my hand because I'd always get so nervous and then I looked at her and she smiled at me... That's all." Her voice broke in half "I haven't been able to shake it since I woke up. I mean… was she saying everything's going to be alright?" Her face scrunched as she fought to keep the tears at bay. "Because it's not. I feel like I'm letting her down. Like she can see me just running. Running from everything like I always do."

She let the tears overflow until her constricting chest burst and all of the guilt and grief she'd been holding in escaped in jerking sobs and gasps for air. When she had nothing left but exhaustion she kissed her hand and placed it over Diane's name promising she'd come back.

* * *

Alex clutched the roses tightly in her hand. Obsessively checking and re-checking to make sure the delicate pedals weren't damaged. She'd taken a taxi straight from La Guardia to her mother's favorite Bronx flower shop. It was only a few minutes from Pelham cemetery but Alex kept checking them. The taxi came to a stop and after paying the fare Alex stepped out into the cool spring morning air. When she caught sight of her mother's name she adjusted the black frames on her nose and took a few tentative steps closer. Her heart began beating rapidly in her chest and she struggled to swallow the lump in her throat. With one hand resting on the headstone she knelt down placing the roses gently at the base of the granite headstone. Red roses were her mother's favorite. Their apartment seemed to always have at least one. Either from a regular at Friendly's trying to sweep Diane off her feet or roses she'd bought for herself because she wanted to look at them. Diane had never depended on anyone to bring her happiness.

When Alex was 18 she'd gotten the salt shaker tattoo in tribute to her father and lyrics to one of her favorite songs of his. After learning he wasn't the man she'd always imagined him to be and the fight that ensued with her mother Alex wanted to do something to show her mom that she didn't hate her. She came home one evening and surprised her mom with 11 roses. When Diane asked why 11 and not a whole dozen Alex had casually removed her leather jacket proudly displaying the fresh ink on her shoulder. Diane didn't need to be told the relevance. She had hugged Alex tight and proclaimed it the best rose she'd ever received then promptly called her a shithead to keep the moment from becoming too sappy.

She sat down in the grass and moved her glasses on top of her head. She had no idea where to begin. She could always talk to her mom but this wasn't her mom. She'd been hanging on to the idea of visiting her mom for years but she never got beyond the idea of visiting. Never worked out what she'd do when she actually got here.

_Just start at the beginning dumbass._ A small smile crept across her lips as she imagined her mother's voice. "Hey mom." And she told her everything. Paris, the addiction, 7 years on the run in witness protection, finding Piper and losing her again. The overdose after Piper had died. Nicky kicking her ass for the last 10 months. It was cathartic in a way. The first time in years Alex felt like herself.

The next morning Alex was scanning over the paper as she ate the breakfast room service had just delivered. She adjusted her glasses and pulled the paper closer. An ad for PoPi. Alex decided she needed to see the store. She needed to see what the blonde had built and oddly she hoped she could talk to Polly. It would help her get some closure and it would be nice to talk to someone that knew she existed. Even if they didn't like each other they both had loved Piper.

Alex called Nicky to let her know she'd be extending her trip by a couple of days.

"How was it?" Nicky asked straight away.

"Good. Hard. But good. I think it helped."

"That's great Vause."

"Thanks for bringing her a seashell. She would have liked it." When Nicky was in the city for Kubra's trial she'd promised Alex she would visit Diane.

Nicky squeezed her eyes shut. There had been a clock on this moment and now the final ticks were deafening. "No big deal." She lied. She knew who had put it there. Grimm's radar ears picked up Alex's voice on the phone and his excited barking provided a merciful interruption. "He misses you. Moping around the place and barely eating. Lorna is in love with him. Now she wants one."

Alex exhaled a laugh "That's better than the human alternative though right?"

"Maybe" Nicky mumbled and quickly changes the subject. "So you should be back around 8 tonight?"

Alex sighed. She knew Nicky would worry but hoped she would understand. "That's why I called…I'm going to be another day longer."

"Okay? What? Got your hair back so time to prowl the ol' stomping grounds?" _Don't go chasing ghosts just yet Vause._

Alex rolled her eyes "I just… I saw an ad for PoPi" Nicky stills. She needed more time. She needed a chance to explain. "I thought it would be good for me to see it you know. Maybe even talk to Polly."

Nicky was silent. Still holding in a breath.

"Nick I know what you're going to say but visiting my mom… I think going to PoPi is the closest I'll get to that you know."

Eventually she answers. Her voice thick with worry but Alex doesn't know the real reason why "Do what you gotta do Vause. We'll be here when you get back. We'll talk okay?"

"Nicky… I'm not going to do anything. I'm alright… I'll see you in a couple of days. Give Grimm a kiss for me."

"I will… Alex?"

"Yeah?"

Nicky swallows it. "Be safe." She hangs up quickly before she blurts everything out.

Nicky put her head in her hands and thought back to that day 10 months ago. 2 days after they'd left the hospital. She left their Minneapolis hotel room to pick up takeout and supplies for the rest of their drive. She hadn't wanted to let Alex out of her sight but she'd drank herself into oblivion and was passed out. It should have been safe to leave her for a couple hours.

When she approached the hotel room door juggling the bags in her hands she knew. She could hear Grimm's panicked barks and whines. Dropping the bags she quickly opened the door. Grimm was frantically scratching at the bathroom door. Nicky kicked the door again and again until it gave way causing her to tumble into the room. The needle was still loosely laying in Alex's hand. Her head was rolled back against the tub. She was so pale.

"You fucking dumbass!" Nicky grabbed her shoulders and shook her before checking for a pulse. It was almost nonexistent. She quickly called for help and began CPR. When Alex was released from the hospital Nicky took her straight to the safe house in northern Minnesota. They spent the winter isolated from everything. The snow and cold was unbearable. The guilt Nicky was feeling was becoming too much to bear. What was the point of lying to keep her safe if she was going to lose Alex anyway? She called Lorna and told her everything.

Lorna's presence helped. She brought some light into the cold darkness they'd been surrounding themselves in. Alex had found something to hold on to. Temporary but it was something. Visiting her mom and seeing Kubra behind bars. When that wasn't going to be enough Nicky knew she'd tell Alex the truth. _Whatever it takes to keep her alive._

* * *

The next morning Alex was on her way to Manhattan. She wasn't sure what to wear. She wanted to look nice, for Piper, but realized that Polly may not be too happy to see her so she decided to dress casual. Black jeans, white V-neck, and her leather jacket.

It was almost 10am when the bell signaled their first customer in over an hour. Polly stood up from stocking the shelf and froze. Alex was a little relieved to be met with shock and not anger "Bad time to say hi?" She gave Polly a small smile and wave. Polly didn't say anything. Alex took another step inside and looked around. A smile spread across her lips and her green eyes glistened with tears. Polly was thrown off by the taller woman's vulnerability so she reigned in her bubbling anger when she asked "What are you doing here?"

Alex swallowed hard and turned to Polly placing her glasses on top of her head. "Did Piper tell you about seeing me in Aurora?" Polly nodded still not understanding how or why Alex was in their store. Alex was now a few steps away from Polly and took a seat at a small table near the counter "I was with her when she was shot." Tears were falling freely now. Alex placed her head in her hands but kept speaking or she knew she'd never get it out. "They let me see her at the hospital and told me she was being taken off life support." Alex didn't look up to see the confusion on Polly's face. "Kubra thought he killed me. That's why they covered up her death. He was killed in prison last month… I'm out of witness protection… I haven't been allowed to visit my mom's grave in 8 years... While I was here I needed to see this place." Alex wiped her tears with both hands and looked at Polly who was staring blankly, too shocked to grab onto a single feeling. "I know you must hate me but I was hoping you'd let me buy you lunch or coffee and we could talk. You can call me all the names you want just tell me about Piper." Her voice broke at the end and Polly could feel her own tears forming as she realized what this meant.

Polly nodded "We can do lunch. Let me go make a phone call first."

Polly went to the back of the store into her office and dialed Piper. _Pick up. Pick up._

"Polly I'm leaving now."

"No!" Polly blurted out and then more calmly "We're really slow. Take the day off. I'm not asking." Polly hung up before Piper had a chance to argue because she had no idea what else to say. She only hoped the blonde listened.

* * *

Having lunch with Alex had been surreal. The sarcastic hard exterior she'd known was gone. Replaced with this shell of a person that only flashed moments of her old self when she spoke of Piper. Much like Piper except the blonde hadn't allowed herself to speak about Alex since she arrived in New York. Polly was surprised at how much she wanted to tell Alex that Piper was alive. That Piper thought Alex had been killed but she knew she had to speak to Piper first. She got Alex's number and they setup a time the next day when Alex would come to her home to go through some of Piper's personal things she'd kept from their time together.

Polly closed the store early and headed home calling Piper on the way.

"Polly you told me to relax so that's what I'm doing"

"You're either reading or binge watching on Netflix. Come over. Finn wants to see his aunt Piper."

"You're not playing fair." Piper smiled. She couldn't resist her godson. He was one of the few things that managed to make her smile.

"Dinner is at 7. You're staying over." Polly once again hung up before Piper could protest.

* * *

Finn had been put to bed and Pete excused himself knowing the two women had a lot to discuss. Polly entered the room with another bottle of wine.

Piper raised her eyebrows "This looks serious."

Polly nodded and poured another drink for Piper. "Are you and Pete okay?" Polly just gestured for Piper to take a drink as she took a large gulp herself "Pete and I are fine."

"Then what is this about?" Piper furrowed her brows before becoming alarmed "Polly one slow day at PoPi is nothing to worry about."

Polly shook her head "It's not about PoPi. I need you to listen to me." Piper nodded and felt herself tense at the intense gaze of her best friend. She took another gulp of wine and told her to go on.

"Someone came into PoPi today."

"Okay?"

"When you were shot and were on life suppor-"

"Polly I don't want to talk about this." Piper stood and took a step away when Polly grabbed her wrist.

"Sit down Piper. You have to hear me out." Piper gave her a challenging stare but Polly didn't back down. "Sit. Now." Piper sat back down and filled her glass of wine.

"When you were on life support. The US Marshals had kicked Larry and me off of your floor so they could setup their security."

"What is your point?" Piper interrupted.

"It wasn't to setup security."

Piper gave Polly a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

"They cleared the floor so Alex could come see you." The name hit Piper like a brick. She shook her head. "No. Alex didn't make it to the hospital."

Polly inhaled and grabbed Piper's hands in hers and looked in her eyes. "They lied Pipe. They told Alex you were being taken off life support. She was there to say goodbye to you."

Piper shook her head "No" she whispered. "No. She couldn't have. They told me she died. We were at her grave."

Polly nodded and gave her hands a gentle squeeze, tears welling in her eyes. "I know. They told Alex you died and told you Alex died…Kubra thought he had killed Alex so they covered it up to keep you both safe."

Piper freed one of her hands and rubbed her chest. She was having trouble breathing. _Alex is alive._ "How do you know all of this?"

Polly took a deep breath "Alex."

Piper's vision started to blur at the edges and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. "Alex?"

Polly nodded. "She walked into PoPi this morning."

Piper became incensed "Alex! Alex who I've spent the last 10 months grieving for walks into our store and you call me and tell me to take the day off."

"Piper calm down." _If looks could kill. Wrong words Polly._ She cringed at the shrieking tone of the blonde.

"Calm down!? Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me just to get out of bed in the morning?"

Polly stood and grabbed the blonde's shoulders "I do. I see it on your face every day Piper. I didn't know the whole story when I called you and I wasn't about to let her back into your life without making sure you weren't going to be in worse shape." Piper relaxed slightly so Polly continued "She still thinks you're dead. I guess Kubra was killed in prison and she doesn't need witness protection anymore. She was visiting her mom and wanted to see me and talk about you."

Confusion once again hit Piper's face "But you guys never got along."

Polly smiled _of course that's what Piper takes away from all of that. _"She said I could call her all the names I wanted as long as I told her everything about you that she missed out on."

Sobs wracked through Piper's body and Polly pulled her tight. "She's coming over tomorrow. I thought you should be the one to tell her."

* * *

Alex parked the rental car in front of the address Polly had given. She tentatively stepped out of the car and walked up the steps slowly. Before she could ring the bell the door was opened "Alex, right on time. Come in." Polly opened the door wide and Alex stepped in. "Coffee, tea, wine… something stronger?" she offered.

Alex exhaled a laugh "Whatever you're having is fine."

Polly pointed the opposite direction. "Living room is through there. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right out."

Alex nodded and walked through the foyer into the living room. It took her a moment to adjust to the sun shining through the open windows making the room much brighter than the room before it. Alex moved to take a seat on the couch when a shadow in the corner moved catching her attention. It spoke before Alex's brain could catch up. "They told me you were dead." Alex closed her eyes not yet allowing herself to believe this wasn't a dream. She could feel the presence move closer but didn't dare open her eyes. She was positive Piper would disappear if she did.

Piper could feel her heart race with each step. This was Alex. Leather jacket. Glasses. Black hair. She reached out and moved the frames from the taller woman's face onto her head. She desperately wanted to look into those green eyes. "Look at me."

Alex shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. "You'll disappear. You always disappear when I look too long."

"Ghosts can't move your glasses off of your face Alex."

"I'm not entirely sure I didn't do that myself."

Piper inched closer, filling her senses with the raven haired woman's scent. She gently wiped a tear from Alex's cheek with her thumb and felt the taller woman tremble at the touch. Still, she didn't open her eyes. "Al"

Piper's voice in her ears and her touch on her skin. A simple word and a single finger reached into the abyss and pulled Alex back. Out of the swirling darkness. Back into the light. "Pipes?" Alex's eyes fluttered open. Blue met green and the whole world fell away.

Piper pulled Alex closer, pressing their foreheads together. She laughed as the tears fell freely. Happy tears she never thought possible. Her heart was bursting.

"Say it again."

"Alex."

Alex pulled Piper to her and buried her face in her neck as the sobs escaped. Piper repeated her name over and over. "Alex. Al."

When she'd gotten her identity back one thing had been missing. The sound of her name on Piper's lips. The hope of ever hearing it again lost. Hearing it now was overwhelming. It made her feel complete. It washed away all the pain of the last 10 months. It drowned out the sound of the gunshots she still heard when she closed her eyes.

Polly quietly walked into the room and found them hugging. Tears streaming down both of their faces. She smiled and walked into the room clearing her throat "I hate to interrupt but coffee is ready."

The three sat at the kitchen table. Alex and Piper had not said anything except one word responses to the other's generic questions. They both briefly filled in the gaps with basic information. Neither wanting to wade into an emotional minefield. Polly tried desperately to fill the silence, talking about Finn, PoPi, Pete, how glad she was spring had finally arrived. Nothing eased the palpable tension.

Piper wasn't sure what she was feeling. Since she learned Alex was alive last night she'd been imagining the moment. She desperately wanted Alex to kiss her. To hold her tight and promise they'd never be apart again but it didn't happen. Fear lurched through her stomach. _Alex thought I was dead. She's moved on._ Piper squeezed her eyes shut briefly trying to rid the thought from her mind but it kept nagging.

Alex was retreating back into herself. So overwhelmed with the idea that Piper was alive she'd allowed herself to forget. Piper is married. Whatever Piper had felt about that 10 months ago was irrelevant now. Piper knew she was alive in advance. She had time for the shock to wear off. She didn't kiss her. She didn't say anything that could give Alex hope. The feeling settled in her stomach. Kubra didn't kill either of them but he had killed their connection. Too much had happened. Too much hurt. There was no way back.

After checking her phone for what must have been the tenth time Alex slid her chair back and stood. "I need to get going."

The dread lurched through Piper again. Stronger. Causing her to stand up in response. "W-where?"

"My flight leaves in a couple of hours." Alex avoided looking at Piper's face. She pushed her fists into her jacket pockets.

Piper nodded, swallowing the words. _Don't go._ She sat back down before her knees buckled.

Polly looked back and forth between the two not understanding what the fuck they were doing. "You're leaving? Now?"

Alex bit the side of her cheek. "I have to get home…" Even though she knew she was home. Home had always been wherever Piper was. She met Polly's puzzled gaze. "Thank you for taking care of her… Thank Larry for me too." The tears were bubbling up again. She allowed herself one brief glance to Piper who wasn't even looking at her before quickly turning and heading out the front door.

"Piper!" Polly's voice pulled Piper from her thoughts "What the hell?"

"She left" Piper's voice so quiet and empty.

"She still thinks you're married... Go stop her!"

Her eyes widened. _Jesus fuck. How could you forget to tell her?_ Piper stood back up quickly, nearly tripping over the chair legs as she bolted towards the front door. The front door flew open "Alex!" Her heart sank. She was already gone.

* * *

Grimm bounded to the car as Alex stepped out. She walked to the front door with him at her side. Nicky relaxed when she saw the smile. She should have known better.

"Get out."

"Vause…"

"Fuck you! ….. Losing Piper _destroyed_ me. I fuckin… I tried to kill myself… and for what!"

"You have no idea how much I wish…"

"Go to hell." Her jaw clinched tight. Seething. Green eyes boring into Nicky. "Just tell me why." Anger replaced with a look of hurt that Nicky had been dreading since the phone call in the diner 10 months ago.

Grimm nudged Alex's hand and licked it. Trying his best to appease her. She sat down and pulled him into her lap. Nicky was thankful for that. At least she wasn't going to get punched again. "You scared the hell out of me. You punched me out and went after Kubra-"

"So you tell me she's dead?"

"Let me explain. Please." Alex just stared blankly. "You have no idea what it was like watching you." Tears began falling from Nicky's eyes. "When you pulled her out of that car and screamed." A shudder ran down her spine. "I can still hear it Alex."

"I can still feel it." Alex gritted out.

Nicky swallowed "You lost it. You went on a suicide mission after Kubra. You were… gone. I couldn't get through to you." Alex was absently running her hand along Grimm's back. Jaw still clinched shut. "Piper was on life support. She still could have died. Kubra could have had people at the hospital. You both could have ended up dead. You weren't listening to anything. Hell bent on revenge and not leaving Piper, you were putting everything at risk."

Alex's head snapped up ready to refute that. When she opened her mouth no words came out. Nicky was right. She would have died before leaving Piper. "What about after Minneapolis?"

"I almost did. I almost gave it all up but then I wouldn't have been able to protect you. That's when I called Lorna."

"Lorna knew?"

"If it makes you feel any better she gave me hell for it. Not that I'm dodging my responsibility of it but it was the departments idea. A convenient way to clean up their massive fuckup."

"Were you ever going to tell me the truth?"

Nicky nodded sincerely "I swear, as soon as you came back… did you talk to her?"

Alex filled Nicky in. Lunch with Polly. The awkward reunion with Piper. She was exhausted. Too tired to keep fighting. "We've been through a lot of shit Nichols. I just need some time."

Nicky nodded and tried to bite back a grin. "I love you, you know."

"Me too." Alex stood and Nicky flinched. "I'm not going to punch you again."

* * *

The next morning Alex woke to the doorbell echoing through the house. Grimm bolted from the bed and started barking as he ran to the door. Alex groaned and pulled herself out of bed. She pulled on a pair of sweats and padded down the hall. Grimm was spinning with excitement at the door. Alex spoke as she pulled open the door "Jesus Nicky, waking me up is not the way to-"

"Hey"

Alex's lips parted. Her heart stopped beating. Blue eyes shining brightly back at her.

"What are you-"

"I got on the next flight out. I had just landed when Nicky called me." Off Alex's surprised look. "Yeah. She picked me up. We went to her place to talk. I ended up punching her."

Alex's lips turned upwards as a smirk spread across her face. "She deserved it."

Piper stepped into the house. She moved closer to Alex, compelled like some invisible magnetic pull. "It was the furthest thing from my mind yesterday. You were really alive and right in front of me."

Alex stepped further back allowing Piper to come inside without bumping into her. "What was?"

"Larry… Alex I'm not… It was over the moment I saw you in Aurora. We're divorced."

Piper inched closer. "After Polly told me you were alive I thought about it nonstop, the moment I'd see you. When you didn't kiss me I thought you must have moved on-"

Alex pulled Piper into her and crashed their lips together. The warmth spread through her body shocking her back to life. Everything melted away. It was tender and desperate and real. Piper's hands pulled at her raven tresses. They both struggled to get enough oxygen causing them to pull apart. Dizzy and buzzing. Alex placed her forehead against Piper's and stared into her blue eyes. "I love you."

Piper's hands ran up Alex's chest, up her neck, and cupped her face. "I love you."

Their lips met again. Softer. Slower. Hands gripping tightly and caressing softly. Each touch smoothing the raw jagged edges they'd formed since the shooting. Alex felt warmth on her cheek and pulled away finding Piper with bright teary eyes and wet cheeks. The blonde attempted to wipe them away and apologized.

Alex grabbed Piper's wrists and pulled the blonde's hands down, placing them on her own hips before she moved her hands up and wiped the blonde's tears away. "Pipes, it's okay." This only caused more tears to fall before Piper tried to pull Alex closer. Nails digging into her hips and her mouth desperately searching for Alex's. Alex cupped Piper's face stilling her. Eyes desperately searching the sea of blue for a way to take away the pain. "Talk to me kid." She tucked a stray lock of hair behind the blonde's ear. Piper closed her eyes letting the feeling wash over her. She couldn't find the words. For so long she'd been filled with something beyond despair. An emptiness that grew heavier each day. This dark shadow that stole every smile and turned every laugh to ash in her mouth until there was nothing. She was a shell. Smiling when she should to avoid Polly's concerned looks. Playing a part. She was dead inside but could still feel the pain. That's all she had. Anything that reminded her of Alex sent her into a tailspin. Each bottom dropping out into a new low. Now Alex's lips were on hers. She could hear her love's heart pounding through her chest. Those green eyes were swallowing her. Reaching into the darkness and pulling her back. Piper couldn't find the words so she held on. Anchoring herself to Alex, refusing to leave this happiness.

Alex led Piper to the deck and laid down on the chaise. Piper stretched out next to her. Legs tangled and Piper's head on her chest. Their arms wrapped around each other, both seemingly afraid to let go or the other might disappear. They stayed like that, silent, watching the mid-morning tide change. Hands still gripping the other slightly, not content to release their holds. Piper finally broke the long silence "This feels like too much. I'm so… relieved… but it doesn't feel right. I feel like someone is going to snatch it away…"

Alex ran her fingers through Piper's blonde locks "Kubra is dead. The cartel is falling apart. No one is interested in me. Nicky made sure."

"But one of them could still come after you. You could still have to go back to WITSEC."

Alex kissed the crown of the blonde's head "I'd rather die than go back now."

Piper pulled herself tighter into Alex. Placing her head beneath Alex's jaw "Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because I can't live without you… before… it was difficult but you were out there. I was holding onto this idea that we'd run into each other again. I tried to ignore it but I knew I loved you. More than anyone." Piper took a shaky breath "When I thought you were gone. There was just… nothing. You don't know how many times I thought about just checking out… I didn't want to be in a world where you didn't exist."

Alex wiped the tears from Piper's cheek "2 days after I thought you died I tried to OD" She pulled her lips to the side at Piper's pained expression. "Kubra thought it was me. It was my fault you... I was only holding on to see my mom again. To see Kubra pay. After that… I didn't have a plan. There is no world for me without you Pipes."

"Nicky said you've been doing well here."

Alex gave a small nod "I haven't been to the beach in a long time. It reminded me of you it was easier to be here. I've been living with Grimm and your ghost. So, slightly crazy but that's the only way I could keep going."

"What do we do now?"

Both looked into each other's eyes. Lost and not sure where they go from here. Grimm put his ball in Piper's lap, tail wagging excitedly. Alex smiled brightly "I guess we play fetch."

* * *

Piper stepped out of the lobby into the warm summer New York air. She stretched her back and paused taking in the rising sun. The jingling of metal pulled her focus back in time to see Grimm bounding to her dragging Alex behind him as she cursed the canine for pulling. "Al be nice!"

"He never used to pull me like that."

"He just loves his mom." Piper bent down and kissed the top of Grimm's head between his pointy ears.

"He also steals my morning kisses."

"Poor baby" Piper laughed before leaning in and softly bringing her lips to Alex's. "Come on, 5 miles and we need to give ourselves time to get ready for brunch with Nicky and Lorna." Piper took off with Grimm and Alex in step at her side.

This is what Piper had always wanted. Her happiness wasn't a practiced contentment. It was overflowing and she gave herself over completely to it. Alex looked at the smiling blonde who still took her breath away. Her smile was like warm sunshine and Alex loved to bask in it knowing she was part of its cause. Her heart was bursting with happiness she never imagined possible before. Nothing and no one to stand in their way. She felt it in her bones, they were inevitable.

* * *

_A/N: I'm still kind of eh on this but I'm not going to have another moment to write for a while. I mentioned maybe doing an epilogue in the future. I don't have any clear vision of that right now so I'm marking this one complete. Maybe I'll do a long one shot down the road or just leave this as is. If there's anything you want let me know here or on tumblr. Before I forget, the salt shaker tattoo origin is canon for me from the Young Blood verse. alanaBloom/alxvse is a genius. Read her stuff now... well after you finish this._

_Thank you all so much for your reviews and favs/follows. You guys blow me away. Some shout outs below:_

toesareoverrated - Thank you again for the kind words. On making you cry... #sorrynotsorry ;)

Chand3li3r - It was cruel right? I had gone way darker on this chapter but I scrapped it.

TinyGuitarist - Hugs to you, seriously thank you!

Lucy - Hope it turned out in a way you enjoyed

JustABagel - I freakin love your review. I'm glad I kept you guessing. Hope you like how it ended.

Budda1127 - Thank you. Now, breathe in breathe out, repeat.

Don't do this guest - I feel ya. Vauseman is my OTP and if they aren't endgame I also don't know what to believe in anymore. You get my feels. Thank you.

Spoiler guest - Thank you and thanks for sticking around

Sue - thank you and hugs to you

MaiaKittyMeow - Was that AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in a good or bad way?

Anxious guest - Thank you. I love that we compare difficulty of surviving assassination attempts to working out relationship issues like they are on the same level. For these two dumbasses we love they pretty much are though. Great Annie Hall reference.

sweater boy loving guest - Thanks. I kind of combined real life Larry and Heck from Imagine Me &amp; You on that part. Like he's a great guy. Just not the one. No reason to make him a giant d-bag.

FFChik - I did write the whole part about Piper and Nicky meeting and then her punching Nicky but I scrapped it. Just didn't want the roller coaster to get old you know?

g4gusgrisam - Thank you!

bluepaintbox - Thank you so so much! Also, so it was you who started encouraging them with pitchforks huh ;)

Like pain guest - Yeah I guess I kinda do. Happy is so hard for me to write. Hope the ending is happy enough though.

GoingCRAZYGuest - Lies and fairy tales. This made me laugh so hard. Thank you and sorry for the wait.

derekjeter2 - I looove a good sandlot quote.

To all of the other pitchfork wielding angry guests and kind reviews. Thank you. Hope you enjoyed. Sorry if you didn't.


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